The Titans Reportedly Broke The NFL's COVID-19 Protocols And Held A Workout Together Last Week After Their Team Facility Was Shut Down


Not to go all corporate jargon on you guys, but we need All Hands On Deck from the players, coaches, execs, and everyone in between for this NFL season to actually finish. I have been thinking wayyyyyy too much about us going back to a world without sports in a couple weeks if this COVID shit continues to pop off once the baseball playoffs are over and I outright refuse to go back to that dark place where we treated old Bulls highlights like the Super Bowl every Sunday just to ignore everything else in the world going to shit.

I may be someone who subscribes to the motto Snitches Get Stitches to the point I have already taught my 5-year-old and 2-year-old kids to take their punishment from their mom before flipping on the other one. But I'd like to shake hands bump elbows with the person who snitched on the Titans and took pictures, thus potentially saving the NFL season from itself. I know that football is a game of inches and you need to spend every waking minute trying to get better. But when your team has an outbreak of the super contagious virus that can shut down the entire league, maybe just do what the rest of us are doing and attend the Zoom meetings in your pajamas, even if it leads to 1/5th the amount of work actually getting done.

If these allegations are true, the Titans clearly need to be punished. Here are my suggestions:

1. The Titans forfeit last week's Steelers game

2. The Titans forfeit this week's Bills game if it cannot be played

3. Mike Vrabel has to chop his dick off like he promised he would do if the Titans won the Super Bowl last year

4. The Titans have to take out any trace of the old Oilers baby blue color in their uniforms because it's now too good for their franchise

5. The Titans forfeit AJ Brown to the Giants since they are the other mythical giant human NFL franchise

The inability to follow any of these punishments will result in being forced to start Marcus Mariota at quarterback and live in football purgatory for the rest of his career. Those punishments may seem firm but they are indeed fair. 

This is the way.

Okay, enough bad juju. Positive vibes only from here on out!