Mesut Ozil, Who Is Being Paid About $24 Million And Can't Get On The Field, Is Willing To Pay The Entire Salary Of The Arsenal Mascot As Long As He's On The Team

So yesterday there was the devastating news that Arsenal was cutting their mascot: 

First off, the picture of the sad mascot is fucking hilarious. Second, what a name. Gunnersaurus was really the best they could come up with and just decided to keep going with it. But then you have Stan Kroenke, a notoriously cheap owner, just getting rid of a mascot for cost-cutting reasons. How do you go there when you cut costs? You can't cut a mascot. And I know they were cutting the one guy who played the mascot, but you are essentially just cutting the mascot here. What are you going to make some unpaid intern in the communications department go out there and try to hype up any sort of crowd? I don't think so. 

You know what you could do? Figure out what the fuck to do with Mesut Ozil, who is being paid roughly $24 million per year to do, well, nothing. He played in just 18 matches last season with 1 goal and 2 assists. This season he's not even getting on the field. That said, this is how you spin zone some great PR here. Oh, our owners are so cheap they are getting rid of a dino mascot? Well, I have more money than you can imagine, I'll pay the salary AS LONG AS I'M STILL HERE. Talk about a win-win from a PR standpoint. 

I say all this for a mascot, but if you take the Oriole Bird away I'd fight someone. I actually grew up with a kid whose dad was the Oriole Bird in the early-mid 90s. Talk about a fucking wild revelation when I found that out. Outside of Brady Anderson, there was no one cooler than that guy to me for about a month.