There's Going To Be A Tetris Movie And I Don't Even Know What That Means

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Metro- This time around classic game Tetris – yes you heard correctly, that game with the endless falling blocks and no actual characters – has been snapped up for a live-action movie makeover by the same team who brought you the Mortal Kombat movies. And while nobody’s actually signed up to direct or star in the film, its producers Threshold Entertainment have revealed they already have an idea about how to bring it to the big screen. ‘It’s a very big, epic sci-fi movie,’ the company’s CEO Larry Kasanoff, explained to the Wall Street Journal. This isn’t a movie with a bunch of lines running around the page. We’re not giving feet to the geometric shapes.’ ‘Brands are the new stars of Hollywood,’ he added. ‘We have a story behind ‘Tetris’ which makes it a much more imaginative thing. Er, can’t wait. The original Tetris game, designed by Soviet computer whiz Alexey Pajitnov, was first released in 1984, becoming a worldwide phenomenon after after it was released for the Nintendo GameBoy five years later. It was also responsible for this 1992 chart hit (which was the brainchild of Andrew Lloyd Webber no less):

 

What the what? You know what I hate most about this idea?  It’s not that it’s going to be a movie about falling blocks which makes zero sense.  It’s not that I don’t totally understand how it’s going to work/make any sense.  I’m most mad that it’s going to work, make a ton of money and that I didn’t think of the idea first.  I’m mad that I didn’t walk into a Hollywood studio and say “Hey, let’s make a Tetris movie.”  It wouldn’t have made sense but it doesn’t have to.  This is what movie making is now.  Instead of thinking up an original idea and running with it, movie studios are fine with taking old ideas and shoving money up its ass and hoping it works.  That’s what they’re doing with every comic book remake that’s come out in the last 2 years.  It’s gone so far now that somebody said “Hey, let’s make a Tetris move.” and somebody else was like, “YEP!”  Why jump on an idea like that?  Because the audience is already there.  It’s built in.  There’s no risk.  Everybody loves Tetris so they will at least think about seeing a Tetris movie.  What’s the actual movie about?  Who cares!  As long as there’s something familiar and nostalgic about the idea, people will pay money to see it. Who are the actors?  Don’t have any, doesn’t matter.  People grew up playing Tetris so it’s coded in their DNA to at least be curious what a movie about it is.  Be original for me one time Hollywood.