Kenyan Man Offers 30 Goats, 50 Cows and 70 Sheep To Obama For His Daughter Malia

Screen Shot 2015-05-27 at 10.39.51 AM

AOL – A lawyer in Kenya has reportedly offered President Obama assorted  livestock in exchange for marrying his daughter Malia. The man, Felix Kiprono, offered the president 30 goats, 50 cows and 70 sheep to marry the 16-year-old, according to a story from The Nairobian newspaper. “I got interested in her in 2008,” Kiprono told the paper. Malia would have been 10 at the time. “As a matter of fact, I haven’t dated anyone since and promise to be faithful to her. I have shared this with my family and they are willing to help me raise the bride price,” Kiprono said. President Obama is set to visit Kenya in July. Obama’s father was born in Kenya, and he still has relatives there. “I am currently drafting a letter to Obama asking him to please have Malia accompany him for this trip. I hope the embassy will pass the letter to him,” Kiprono said. According to the story, Kiprono has planned his proposal and told the newspaper her and Malia would a “simple life.”

30 goats, 50 cows, and 70 sheep is a FUCK TON in the world of Kenya. I mean relatively speaking that man is offering basically everything imaginable. It would be like if Portnoy offered you 3 million internet dollars to marry your daughter. Sure, in the real world, there’s no practical use for fake internet money, the same way Barry Bo doesnt have any use for 150 farm animals. But at the very least you have to respect this man’s offer. Thats a major dowry for Malia Obama. Plus he says he hasnt even dated anyone in 6 fucking years all because he’s saving himself for her. Yea, its a little weird that he fell in love with her when she was ten, but this is fucking Kenya we’re talking about here. Shit is just different over there.

Personally if I’m Felix Kiprono I’m offering 3 goats, 5 cows and 7 sheep. Thats it. Not even an extra chicken thrown in there. 1/10th his offer. I mean did this guy learn nothing from the RG3 deal? Give up the entire farm (literally) for one teenage girl? Ask the Redskins how that worked out for them. Malia Obama is FDOTUS at the moment and so you think she’s worth all those goats and sheep and cows, but Obama has like 20 seconds left in office. Once he’s out Malia Obama is a nobody. Look at Chelsea Clinton and those slutty Bush daughters. They didnt do a goddam thing after daddy left the White House. Once your time is up as First Daughter you just go live an awkward life as a teenage girl who hasnt lived one normal second her entire life. To be honest I’d probably rather live in a hut in Kenya than be the President’s kid. Obama should just say yes to the goat offering and ship Malia off to Africa, everyone wins.