Here we go again. Yet another attempt to sully good my name and draft picks by social media Danny and the rest of the Barstool Chicago office. Slander and Pander. That is the name of the game for everyone else in the office. I wasn't even on this week's snake draft because it was about WWE intro songs and neither WSD or I liked wrestling growing up so we sat it out. Just when I think I got a week off here comes my greatest hits hit piece video. Here is the unfortunate thing about this video though...it actually makes my resolve stronger. Hearing these selections back and in order makes me realize that they weren't as bad as people make them out to be. I am secure in my tastes and myself so I pick from my heart and mind. I can take some ball busting by the guys and the internet. Some people might freak the fuck out if their picks were called out publicly. Those people shall remain nameless as they continue to pander every single week and then scream anytime anyone objects. I could win basically every week by pandering if I wanted to. I won't do that though. Not to myself. Not to you, the audience. I will remain authentic and let the chips fall where they may. Let's go through them in order.
"Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield is an absolute jam and a song that was BIG in all aspects of college life. I was vindicated on this one
Hummus is delicious. It is light and healthy. It's a perfect little bar snack when you don't feel like being a fat piece of shit. Oh, and it unites people around the world. Jews, gentiles, and muslims alike...hummus is the answer
Name another appetizer that can bring Israelis and Palestinians together? You can't.
The #BurrataGang runs deep. I'm the King, Giada is my king. Downright sexual. She called it the star because it is. If you don't like burrata while you're sitting on a summer patio with some nice bread a freshly grown heirloom tomato then guess what…you have scumbag tastes. This was a great pick and Eddie and co decided to change the topic title to backyard bbq foods after saying repeatedly that the category was just "summer foods". Moving the goalposts. A fascist tactic.
Bearnaise sauce is an ELITE sauce. Only an IDIOT would include this in an attempt to slander me.
Ditto for Newport, Rhode Island. WSD has been to exactly two places…Arizona and NJ and he had the audacity to shit on this pick. Do you think Taylor Swift decided to live here by accident? Fuck no. The richest people in the world historically have mansions there and it's not because it sucks. You sit on the cliffs and drink all day in the sun getting shit hammered watching sailboats go by then head out to the bars at night. All time great summer city. Fuck you WSD. Look at this place
The more time goes by the more I like the exchange rates pick. Feeling rich as fuck in a foreign country is incredible. Money is basically fake when you travel. I didn't know we could take musical acts as a "miscellaneous international travel" category. I would've taken Van Morrison if I knew. Since I was playing by the rules I made a great selection. Everyone else took music which was bullshit.
Here is the thing about the Lanyard pick for a souvenir…lanyards suck. I know that wasn't a good pick. But here is the deal…ALL stadium souvenirs suck. They do. It's a fact. Even the mini bats which have probably been outlawed in 2020 because they're a weapon anyways. At least I don't have to carry my souvenir around like a dickhead. Nothing worse than having to carry stuff. Waiting and carrying things are two of the things I hate most in the world. Don't ask me to carry some dumbass bobblehead or a cheap fake helmet or anything like that. The best souvenir I ever got was a hard hat at a Blackhawks game and it was great because Toews got a hat trick that night so I got to throw it on the ice along with the other 20,000+ people in the United Center.
My cereal picks were bad. I can admit that. Not a cereal guy. Did my best, told the truth, didn't pander. You're welcome.