Classics Reviewed By Balls- Rain Man

So on yesterday's rundown Dave, Big Cat, and I were discussing a 7-hour flight that flies around the great barrier reef (sounds awesome) and Big Cat mentioned if this was a Quantas flight or not as I sat there having no fucking clue what he meant. What is this quantas? Sounds exotic. Turns out it was the airline that, according to Dustin Hoffman's character in Rain Man, never crashed in its history. I obviously did not know that and next thing I knew I was assigned homework for the first time since dropping out of college 3 years ago. And that very homework was to watch the American Classic that is Rain Man.

With a hefty 2 hour 20 minute runtime I began the journey on the train yesterday. The flick kicked off with Iko Iko a tune that my young mind had only known from Hangover...little did I know Todd Phillips was doing a little nod to Rain Man! They wasted no time cutting to the point that Tom Cruise's character is an actual trashbag as he's trying to sell used cars or some shit...I don't even know. All i gathered from that is in 2020 he'd have some auto salesman instagram with like car emojis, diamond emojis, and tool emojis in his bio. As he's talking his beautiful girlfriend on a trip to Palm Springs he found out his dad passed away so they turn around to head to the funeral in Ohio. Turns out him and his dad haven't talked in years and he withheld the information that he had mentally-challenged brother in Dustin Hoffman staying at a nearby facility who he gave his $3 million estate to.

In absolutely absurd move Tom Cruise all but steals Dustin Hoffman with the intent to get half of the $3 million estate by holding him ransom. Once again...TRASHBAG. And don't even get me started on the way he was talking to him at the beginning of the movie. I'm happy his girlfriend ditched him when she heard it. Eventually Cruise decides to take him back to LA via a flight and that's where the quantas gets in. Since Dustin Hoffman's literally a genius he knows when and where every airline has had a crash in their history EXCEPT for Quantas since it's never had one. Only way to get to LA via Quantas though was to go to Sydney, Australia though so the next option is a nice cross country road trip for the brothers. 

On their travels Tom Cruise just happens to realize that Hoffman is, in fact, a genius and it strikes him that maybe he should use his brother to count cards for him in Vegas. Once again...trashbag. They hit Vegas, count some cards, make 80k, and then are forced to leave. Best part of that though is Susanna, Tom Cruise's girlfriend, comes back and takes Dustin Hoffman in the elevator after a failed date with a hooker & dances with him. She even makes out with him to give him his first kiss ever. ROBBERY COMMITTED. Was awesome. Fuck Tom Cruise.

Wind up was they get to LA and Tom Cruise realizes he doesn't even need the money & just wants to be pals with his brother. He sends him back on a train to Cincinnatti and tells him he'll come see him in 2 weeks. The end.

My review is pretty much in the video above and I'll keep reiterating that it was simply a little too long, but overall very entertaining and heartfelt movie. 3.8 Balls. Glad Dave made me watch it because it's been on my movie bucket list for quite some time now.

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