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Police Are On The Lookout For Woman Leaving Bags of Poop In Mailboxes Over Political Affiliations

The picture of this woman alone is hilarious, let alone the specifics of the situation. Just riding around on her bike that totally wasn't designed for 12-year-old girls. Never would you imagine that she's the one leaving little care packages inside all these mailboxes. 

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It has to be said that there is something rather untrustworthy about a middle-aged person casually riding a standard bike around the neighborhood. Talking strictly from eye experience, it seems like people that age are either taking a leisurely stroll or they're in a full-blown hardo bike uniform. No in-between. No one that age is casually riding a bike around the neighborhood unless they're complete fucking lunatics. 


HAMPDEN (WGME) -- The Hampden Police Department is looking for a woman who they say took political debate too far.

The incidents were reported Sunday and Monday with witnesses saying she was last seen riding a purple bike with purple Crocs.

According to one of the patrol officers, the woman was putting something unpleasant in the mailboxes of people who have Trump signs on their front lawn.

Like I said, only a complete fucking lunatic would ride around the neighborhood on a normal ass bicycle. At the same time, it's hard to trust people who use their political affiliation as a personality trait. I'd argue I trust the person with a political sign in their yard far less than the lady placing poop in mailboxes. It takes a special type of asshole to put a giant "VOTE {insert disgustingly old human here}" in their yard. 

I'm not much of a politics person. In fact, politics almost feel too important to have an idiot such as myself decide what goes on with said politics. Therefore there are no strong takes coming out of the OMTE camp. That being said - all the political bs aside - it feels like I have no choice but to respect the pettiness of this move. Sure, I'd be a little unamused to find a turd in my mailbox but that could happen to anyone. 

From strictly a human interest standpoint, this objectively hilarious. No matter the political affiliation. Somebody disagrees with this lady? Best believe they're getting a phat bag of dog shit in their mailbox. It's not even like they got into an argument or something. No, they literally just had signs stating their political affiliation. The people inside the house could be the nicest people she's ever met, doesn't matter. That's the best part of the whole thing, the blind pettiness. 

“She has been picking up dog feces and putting it in mailboxes, specifically of people who have Trump signs outside and she has been also defacing Trump signs, writing comments on the signs,” said Alyshia Canwell, a pratol officer with Hampden Public Safety.

It's honestly wild that she hasn't been caught yet. Like how fucking hard can it be to find the one lady in the neighborhood who is wrecking so much havoc? It should be pretty easy to find this woman considering she's dressed like she's goddamn Grimace. 

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…defacing political advertising and vandalism is a crime and putting feces in mailboxes is not legal either.

The vandalism, fine. I get it. You can't be willfully destroying other people's property or whatever. But the poop? The poop feels like fair game to me. So what if you find a bag of feces in your mailbox? Grow up. Half of the mail you get nowadays is shit anyways (pun very much intended). Just remove the shit baggie and get on with your day like a grown-up. 

This is all just a little too much for me. Which is why I tend to stay out of politics. There is no desire in my heart to turn into a lawn sign person nor a psycho who leaves dog shit in people's mailboxes and vandalizes their property. It's just all too much.