If They Want Us To Believe "Strangers" Are "Breaking Into" Homes Just To Poop In Dishwashers, They've Got Another Thing Coming

Blame it on movies or the local news, but I tend to associate home break-ins with pretty serious, illegal acts. Some force their way into a stranger's home to rob them of their prized possessions, with zero idea that when you combine Jodie Foster with a diabetic daughter (who years later will turn into a vampire at the mouth of Edward Cullen) and a panic room, ain't no way you're getting what you came for. 

Others wait for the adults to depart before striking only to meet their demise at the hands of a little boy. 

Giphy Images.

Either way you look at it - the bad guys are there because you have something they want and they're coming for it. Naturally, one would assume if you don't have anything they want, there would be no reason for them to risk getting caught breaking and entering. 

Unless… they had something they wanted to give you

CBC - Sometime between 1 a.m. and 8:15 a.m. on Sunday, someone entered a home near Starwood Drive and Eastview Road through an unlocked back sliding glass door. The people who live in the home were asleep at the time.

"Nothing was taken, however the culprit defecated on the open dishwasher door before leaving the residence," police said in a release on Monday.

Look, I get no one likes unloading the dishwasher, but is it really necessary to drop a load on it? I think not. In fact, if I'm the detective on the case, I'm a little suspicious of this alleged "break-in." The first person detectives look at when a woman goes missing is her husband/boyfriend because 9 times out of 10 it is the husband/boyfriend. 

Is it possible some random person broke into their house for the sole purpose of taking a dump? Well, people are pooping on politicians' driveways, while other famous folks are in court discussing whether or not they pooped the bed, so, yeah, it's possible. After all, 10% of the time the poor guy has nothing to do with his wife's disappearance, so I'd give it the same probability the poopy culprit is not the husband. (Or wife. If Johnny Depp/Amber Heard have taught us anything, it's to not make ASSumptions.) 

But if it is either Love Bird, both parties are guilty. One doesn't just poop in their own dishwasher for fun! (This is probably not true.) It's likely the dishwasher was a source of contempt during the quarantine and the vandal finally had enough of the nagging and decided to take matters into his/her own ass. 

Now some might say your relationship is in serious troubling if it's come down to poop, but I'd argue that might be a more desirable outcome than the alternative: having an enemy out there willing to risk it all just to shit on your life. 

Because one thing's for certain: there's NO way this act wasn't personal.