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BREAKING: Jon Heyman Reports Steve Cohen Is In Agreement To Buy The Mets

IT HAS HAPPENED. Uncle Stevie battled through A-Rod, JLo, a couple of schmucks that own the Sixers, and King Schmuck himself Jeff Wilpon to claim the destiny he so rightly deserves.

Myself and every Mets fan has been holding their breath hoping everything will go smoothly with the sale. And while this report is wonderful news and once that announcement comes, so will I, there is still one more obstacle to clear.

Based on everything I've read, Steve Cohen probably had the votes locked up BEFORE coronavirus wiped out billions from the baseball owners and a $13 billion man is even more appealing after a pandemic runs train on your books, even if he is one baddddddd motherfucker who was the real life inspiration of Bobby Axelrod.

As for the numbers, Cohen will own 95% of the team, with the Wilpons holding onto 5% of the team (likely along with Cohen's pocket on some prison bitch shit).

I'd do just about anything to purge the Wilpons from my life forever. However, I'd do all that along with everything the girls from the Jump Off podcast have done to get Steve Cohen to own the Mets. Today is a glorious day Mets fans. A day we have dreamed of, had ripped away from us, and dreamed of again. Chill your Coors Lights and get ready to drink them responsibly because we earned having a super smart and cunning owner who just so happens to be the richest owner in baseball. And when ownership changes in a big market, almost everything else changes for the better as well.

Time to go look up the best free agents for the next 5 years as well as the best GM prospects because we need to clean this shit from top to bottom, except for pretty much every player that was here before Brody arrived. Yes I spelt his name wrong on purpose. Fuck him.

NOW HIT THAT MOTHERFUCKING GLORIOUS MUSIC, DJ!!!

UPDATE: Holy shit, Cohen speaks*!!!

*Through a statement but it must be official if he spoke!

UPDATE 2:

Promises kept, promises delivered. You know who said that? That beautiful motherfucker and fellow Mets fan Stu Feiner. Someone make sure Stu hasn't shot himself into orbit after hearing this news and check on Frank the Tank to see if this has finally made him optimistic. A new day, folks. A NEW DAY!!!