Silly Football: NFL WEEK 1

I am literally going to put the week 1 schedule and whatever comes to my mind:


Texans Vs Chiefs

Chiefs blew them out. 

The highlights of the game were Andy Reids facemask and the H being silent.

Sunday 1pm

Jets Vs. Bills 

Sam Darnold is going to throw a completion to a team that plays IN New York state and I mean what I say because the Buffalo secondary is in my opinion the best unit in this game. If Josh Allen can Digg it then I see Buffalo smashing tables pre and post-game. Hopefully, someone on the staff has been keeping track of Darnold's tinder match's COVID tests because his spit swapping has played a factor before- Buffalo has smartly forced Young Allen to grow a bad mustache specifically in order to deter kissing, opening up their young buck to exposure, they recently made it their AVI on twitter to ensure celibacy. 

Packers Vs. Vikings 

Aaron Rodgers has shown he is not much of a family man so traveling to Cousin's house is going to be difficult for him. Hunting season isn't till November so the Packers O line won't have to be worried about a Hunter nevertheless Danielle.

Eagles Vs. Washington 

Its gonna be up to Washington to Chase Young quarterback Carson Wentz. 

Browns Vs Ravens

Browns are going to get Odell'd by Lamar Jackson. 

Colts Vs Jaguars

The deciding factor in this game will be whether Phillip Rivers has more legitimate children than Gardner Minshew's illegitimate children. 

Raiders Vs Panthers

In all seriousness, Luke Keuchlys departure from Carolina is a huge hit on defense. Carolina's starter is Teddy Bridgewater, I had to google that because I had no idea. There is a possibility Nathan Peterman sees playing time as the backup for the Raiders now that Mariota is on IR. Christian McCaffrey's performance will determine who wins this game. 

Bears Vs Lions

 Big Dick Nick play's Mitch's Bitch at second string.

 yeah, that's all I got for this one and Adrian Peterson is on the Lions now and could start. 

Seahawks vs. Falcons

Mr. Unlimited is looking to "cook" vs Matty Ice. Russel Wilson talks like a straight-up cop. Sucks that there's no attendance because Future would def show up to that game in Atlanta. Hayden Hurst is on Atlanta now and he's a big ginger tight end who got the yips pitching and pivoted his career, honestly, his story is really inspiring google it, also draft him in fantasy he's a sleeper.

Dolphins Vs Patriots

This one should be good I feel like Belicheck is gonna use Cam Newton in a complex insane more college-like offense that he's been salivating to do with a mobile QB. Fitzmagic will be out and about and if he wins this game he will definitely get himself another 2 year $10m contract. He still has his beard as of 7:35pm Thursday.

Sunday 4:05pm

Chargers vs Bengals

The big story is Burrow's debut something not talked enough about is how he was a tiger in Baton Rouge and now he is another tiger in Cincinnati, this has absolutely nothing to do with football but I found the tiger symbolism significant. Luke Wilson will be a huge target for him in my opinion. Chargers Hard Knocks sucked so I am biased against them. 

Sunday 4:25pm

Cardinals vs. 49ers 

Deandre Hopkins got paid we will see if Kyler Murray can get him the ball. 9ers probs gonna beat the shit out of them tho.

Buccaneers Vs. Saints

This is gonna be a sick game. Buccaneer Brady, Gronk, and that whole offense vs a very established Saints. Not gonna say its gonna be a Brees- The Saints I believe got Jameis Winston to help get an advantage through knowing the tendencies of the Buccaneers Coaching staff. Jameis would probably been a much better Spy after his Lasiks surgery. Saints have an interesting QB situation and If I was Taysom Hill I would have been threatened by Jameis in the depth chart but it probs weren't hard to convince him several options aren't bad as a Mormon. 

Sunday 8:20pm

Cowboys Vs Rams

Ezekiel Elliot and Dak found it hard to social distance in the offseason, will most likely find it hard to not throw another party in the backfield with Aaron Donald in attendance. Also hope this game makes Skip Bayless microwave his nuts by how well Dak plays. 

Monday 7:10pm

Steelers Vs. Giants

Big Ben's triumphant return to the field after his overuse injury to his elbow collateral damage from his porn addiction days. Hopefully, for New York Daniel Jones doesn't look like a scared bird this season and gets something going and stops wasting Saquan's talent. If another Judge can bring New York some hope through tough as nails coaching that has been entertaining to read about but may just be pissing the players off. 

Monday 10:20pm

This one passed my bedtime, "The Boys" take the bus trip to Mile High to play a Millerless Broncos but don’t worry there will be plenty of Coors as it is brewed in Colorado. Who knows how much Clowney will play a role in the Titans defense as he was recently added but I would not say the Broncos are a Lock by any means. 

Before you react just remember it is supposed to be silly.