If You've Always Wanted to Pay $250 to Spend the Night in a Horse Stable, You're in Luck

What an amazing opportunity. For the same price that you could stay in a nice hotel in a major city, you now have the chance to spend the same amount of money to stay in a barn with a horse.

New York Post — “I am surprised no one has come up with the idea before,” said Tracey Alexander, owner of Black Horses Ltd. in Cartmel, Cumbria, where the “Stable Stays” experience is offered.

For $250 per night, equine enthusiasts stay with either a Friesian horse or Shetland pony in a suped-up horse stall outfitted with a double bed and bunk bed, mini fridge, microwave and an en-suite shower and toilet, per their website.

Really, Tracey? You're surprised nobody has come up with this before? Yeah, I can't believe it had never occurred to anyone to build a business catering to the most insane segment of the population at an outrageous price point.

I'm sure there is a tiny subset of people to whom spending $250 to stay in a barn sounds like a blast, but this should not be considered within the societal window of acceptable behavior. Can you imagine trying to go to sleep on a tiny bunk bed with a massive — and I cannot stress this part enough — *horse* eye-to-eye with you just waiting for you to fall asleep? Not a chance.

And when I think of desirable smells at a hotel, horse shit is right at the top of my list. I can't believe more companies don't try integrating the "stable" aroma into their rooms, to be honest.

I don't think I would do this if I was the one being paid $250 for the night, let alone the $500 swing in the other direction. You can either have a brand new pair of AirPods Pro or spend one night in a glorified haystack with a wild beast watching your every move. Seems like a pretty easy call to me.

Anyway, I expect nothing less from Great Britain. I know we come up with some pretty wild stuff here in the States, but this idea just has "England" scrawled across it in all caps.

Please do not stay in a horse hotel.