First of all, calling yourself - or anyone for that matter - an 'Ibiza addict' just means you're an alcoholic who likes to get fucked up on an aesthetically pleasing island. There's not really any shame in that per se, but we gotta be able to call a spade a spade here. It almost sounds as if he is one of those people who try and use a vacation spot as a personality trait - the distant cousin of the "well, I studied abroad" crowd. It's a rare breed these days honestly, but every once in a while you come across someone who is decked out in [insert popular vacation location here] gear. It just never made sense to me. Something about a 45-year-old man covered head-to-toe in Martha's Vineyard apparel that is...unsettling to say the very least.
Anyways, I'm very curious as to why someone who is so addicted to Ibiza itself needs other people's money for booze…
A shameless Ibiza-addict who has already splashed £650 on a sunbed at Wayne Lineker's Ocean Beach bar has launched a fundraiser to pay for his drinks while there.
You're telling me that he can afford to spend that much money on a sunbed at a fucking bar so he can use it for like 6 hours, but he can't buy his own drinks? Makes sense. I mean, where else could you possibly soak up the sun in Ibiza other than the £650 ($856) sunbed at a bar. It pays for itself.
Brazen Brit Dave Nightingale is appealing for the public 'not to be shy' and 'spare a few cents' for his GoFundMe page despite his flashy package already including hundreds of pounds worth of booze.
The 50-year-old fibbed that on his previous visit to the swanky bar in September, their hefty prices meant he 'had to order ice and wait for it to melt', when in fact he'd bought the same package.
sidenote - 'fib' is such an underutilized word, far superior to 'lie'
Wait a minute.
This bastard's drinks are already paid for? Well, then what the fuck are we doing here? It feels like this shouldn't be allowed. You can't be asking people for money to buy a bunch of drinks when you've already got hundreds of dollars poured into some drink package. That makes no sense at all. Nobody would donate to that. Not to mention that there are also far more options that benefit far better causes than getting this knacker drunk as fuck.
There isn't really any appeal for someone to donate to this anyways. There's nothing to gain. All you're doing is just getting some relatively random guy fucked up on his vacation. It also feels like if you can't afford drinks - he definitely can, this is just for argument's sake - to the point that you have to ask for donations, maybe you should plan a trip to a place where you can afford the drinks. That seems like pretty fair logic to me.
The sharp-thinking bathroom fitter shared his GoFundMe page in an Ibiza-lovers group last Thursday but so far nobody has donated to his cunning cause.
Of all the things you hate to see, this has got to be right at the top. This guy had to have known he wasn't gonna get any donations though, right? If he thought he was gonna get donations, he needs to be thrown in an insane asylum. Only a motherfucking lunatic would think that people are just gonna reach into their own pocket - in the middle of a pandemic, no less - and pay for him to have a bonkers holiday (British people, British terms).
I will say, you never know what type of "people" are lurking around in the Ibiza-lovers group. Chances are if they've taken the time out of their day to actively search out such a group and join; they're just as 'addicted' as you. I refuse to link his GoFundMe because, quite frankly, nobody should be funding this fuck.
PS- Well, I have some good news and some bad news for our friend, Dave, here.
The bad news is that this bar (alongside other Ibiza clubs) literally shut down as I was typing this very blog. So he loses his drinks package that presumably comes with the beach chair you could find at the local Marriot, only it's in Ibiza.
The good news is that he might be able to get a refund for his fucking sunbed, buy himself his own goddamn drinks, and fuck right off.