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Mother Of Christ on a Cracker, Lady: DONT

Good lord, lady. I havent been that nervous since I interviewed Bobby Bowden at 4:30pm on SiriusXM channel 85. She was sitting there on a reenforced railing (only mentioning that because of my tool and carpentry skills, not to mention my love of alliterations) hovering over the pool like she was a human diving board contemplating its decision to crush its own coccyx and innards all in one ill-advised albeit viral “send.”

While her complicit comrades collect her remains like the coronavirus Humpty Dumpty that she is, you gotta imagine what she thought was gonna happen. That’s no regular ass folding table. That’s a Nuru table with an extra topper that crumbled like blue cheese over a plate of 20 Dollar Chef’s famous Labatt Blue basted buffalo wings. 

Anyway, hope she’s ok.