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North Dakota Is In The Market For A New Nickname, But You Can Cross Off All These Names In This 321-Page Non-Consideration List

und-sioux

The University of North Dakota is exploring the thought of a nickname change since in 2015, the name “Fighting Sioux” is too offensive and racist and people who are 1/16th Native American are pissed. That’s besides the point. If the University of North Dakota gets a new mascot, it realistically it has no actual impact on my life so whatever. But whether the school does or does not get a new nickname, you can rest assured that they will not be called any of these names that were suggested in this 321-page “Non-Consideration” List. While like at least 100 of these pages were strictly people suggesting to remain being called the Fighting Sioux (slash Soo/Sue/Suh), the other 200 or so pages had a few hidden gems in there. So lucky for you, I picked out a few of the most outrageous nickname suggestions (along with their explanation of why said name should be considered) so you don’t have to do the searching yourself. But I would suggest checking out the full list at some point in your life for a good laugh. Here it goes.

Anal Seepers: Anal seepage is a staple of campus life at UND

Would LOVE to get an Anal Seepers jersey. A must-have for any jersey head’s collection. P.S. – the people of UND may want to invest in some Dude Wipes to deal with all that anal seepage.

Big dick north dakotans: We have the biggest dicks

If it’s on a jersey, it’s true. That’s the way it works. And once everyone knows you have the biggest dicks, you win every game regardless of the score. Pretty genius.

Brianna Close: She is ok I guess

The idea of a chick who is “ok I guess” being a school’s mascot is hilarious to me. I don’t know if that’s just because I’m feeble minded, but if you actually think about it, it’s amazing.

Bush did 911: Its true

Aaaaaand heeeeere cooome your 2015 University of North Dakooooootaaaa Bush Did 911’s!!! Da-na-na-nuh-nuh-nuh-na-na-na-na

Butthole lickers: Why not

Gotta eat the booty like groceries. Eating ass is in. Everyone knows that.

Cum Dumpsters: Because most people on campus openly get cum dumped in and/or on them.

Speaks for itself.

Cunty Kellys: Kelly is a Cunt oozing cuntiness

The president of UND’s last name is Kelley, but I’m really hoping this name suggestion is just talking about some random girl named Kelly. In which case, I 100% agree that Kelly is a cunt.

Dockers: Because all the dudes like to dock their dicks in their free time. Probably

docking

Hey, they’re a close-knit team. What can ya say. A team that docks together wins together.

Fighting Onions: Many diverse layers, sweet yet tangy with each bite. leaves a bad after-taste like our opponents have after we crush their hopes for victory

You tell me a team should be called the Fighting Onions with zero explanation and I say you’re a fucking moron. But after reading that explanation, I actually think it’s a great fit and makes perfect sense.

Halfpriced Apps: Because who doesn’t love half-priced apps?!

Which makes it impossible for anyone to root against your team. Smart move. I like it.

Not Iowa: Hey, could be worse right?

You just gonna sit there and take that, Trent?

Politically Correct Souix: Perfect. Exactly 25 charactors

Spelling errors and the fact that it’s only 23 characters and not 25 (unless you count the spaces) aside, I think this name should do relatively well in Obama’s America.

Washington Redskins: It’s less controversial than the Sioux

redskins-go-f-yourself