So the other day some Christmas show was on and Adam Levine was singing Christmas carols. Adam mothefucking Levine. I did a little research and it turns out this is his thing. Guy has been singing Christmas songs since his Maroon 5 Days. Umm hey newsflash asshole you’re Jewish. And the worst part was he clamis it’s okay because Christmas isn’t a religious holiday. Everybody can enjoy Christmas blah, blah, blah. Wrong bro. We can’t be having any fairweather Jews like you. Us Jews need to stick together during the Holidays. Can’t just run to the other side because it’s cool. That’s how Hitler happened. Of course I sneaky want to celebrate Christmas. What fucking Jew doesn’t? All your friends getting trees and singing songs and shit. That’s when you got to dig in and celebrate Haunnkah even harder. 8 crazy ass nights. Lighting candles. Spinning the fuck out of dreidals like it’s the best thing in the world. Latkes on top of Latkes. That’s what you do. You don’t sing Jingle Bells and put lights on your house. That’s a cowards way out. So guess what Levine you’re out. I got no to time for Jews like you.
PS – Full disclosure I have a Christmas Tree in my apartment. First Lady is half so she celebrates both. Feel like a traitor every time I see it though.