How Many Times Do You Think This Congressional Candidate *Accidentally* Viciously Beat His Meat Watching The WAP Video?


I fucking LOVE this tweet. You know how we talk all the time about real life and the Onion intersecting to the point it's impossible to know what's real or fake anymore? Start with James P. Bradley's tweet about WAP (Wet Ass Pussy for those who somehow missed it), a song he ACCIDENTALLY HEARD!!!! What a fucking spin. There he was, sitting in his home office, reading his bible, and Wet Ass Pussy just starts playing out of god damn nowhere. And then it played again and again and then as if by magic the video appeared on his laptop screen and his pants were around his ankles. It all happened so fast he had no way of stopping it!

But the thing is, James P Bradley, it's ok that you treated your meat like an amusement park when you heard...sorry...accidentally listened to WAP over and over and over again. It's nature, my man. God is cool with it, I promise. God is up there cranking it himself. Just hand wrapped his big holy dick 24x7. Why else do you think we're still in a pandemic? God got no time for anything besides WAP right now. 

And the best thing is, he is completely obsessed with WAP and Cardi. Like, cannot stop talking about it. You know your friend who has a crush and he brings her up every 2 seconds? That's James P Bradley.



Lolllllll. What does that even mean? Dude is in love with Cardi B's wet ass pussy and he doesn't care who knows it!

Also, imagine Biden strutting out to the debate stage with WAP blasting in the background? My goodness gracious, James P Bradley's balls would explode into a million pieces.

So good on ya, JPB. And who knows..maybe one day you and your crush will share an office on Capitol Hill and you can fulfill your destiny once and for all.



Cardi B for Congress!!!!!!!