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I Filmed My Second Porno Last Night

As I took in a fine summer evening from my balcony last night, I was able to witness nature in its purest, most beautiful form. I noticed what seemed like one large bug on the balcony ledge perhaps holding a crumb of food. I took a closer look, ready to shoo it away as I have a fear of bugs that is simply not normal for a 24-year-old male. Instead, I saw two flies engaged in a passionate bout of sexual intercourse. So I did what any rational human being would do. I took out my phone and recorded it to keep for my personal files. 

In the backstory I made up in my head, this was their second date (Craig and Kaite). They grabbed some drinks down in the East Village. And by grabbing drinks, I mean they sucked the blood of a New York City citizen on a Sunday evening stroll. The date went well. Craig has been dying to know why Kaite (pronounced like Katie) spells her name like that. He thinks it's pretty obnoxious, but he doesn’t want to be rude and risk his chances of getting lucky. Craig was very charming and opened up a bit about his rough family life. Kaite loved that he was so vulnerable and honest on just a second date. Craig invited her back to his my apartment. Kaite was unsure at first. She had been planning to abide by the unofficial "three-date rule" but she felt like Craig was different from all the others in the string of meaningless, empty dates she's found herself going on. They got back to my balcony, and it was on. 

As you can see from the video above, it was pretty boring and standard at first. But then Craig unleashed his inner freak. 

Just a couple of absolute savages. It was truly breathtaking to watch. Did I feel a little bit like a creepy porn director for immediately whipping my phone out to record it? Perhaps a little. But it's not every day you get to see two animals having sex. I've seen two pigeons do it on the streets of San Diego. Also two tigers at the San Diego Zoo in August of 06. I can now add this to the list. (Also really hope it was consensual otherwise I'll feel guilty for not breaking it up). 

They finished up and turned on The Office. I hope he calls.