Here's how we're going to structure this blog, okay? We're going to go from least gross to absolutely fucking gruesome. So starting off we've got Tucker Poolman hopping back on the bench while wearing a full faceshield after he had just blocked a shot with his goddamn face like a psychopath. You ever felt a hockey puck before? Have you ever seen anybody take a shot before and thought yourself, "wow, I'd really love to stick my face directly in that thing's path"? Because that was apparently Tucker Poolman's thought process here. And as you can tell from the NHL logo on the collar of his sweater, he was leaking quite a bit.
It gets even grosser a little later in the period after he switched to a fishbowl and played a few more shifts.
Cheek and jaw as swollen as could be. Blood leaking down his neck. Dude is an absolute mess. And that's what playoff hockey looks like, boys and girls. I mean this dude is fucking hideous right now. He's looking like Sloth from the Goonies. And he looks that way because he's Ferda Boys. 100% Ferda. You can't be anything less than 100% Ferda and throw your face in the way of a shot. And speaking of that blocked shot, I guess we'll go to the most gruesome part of the blog now.
There's a good chance most of you already saw this anyway but for those of you who didn't just get ready for a ton of blood. Which you should have been able to piece together already by the previous two shots.
It's shouldn't take rocket appliances to know where I'm going to go with this now. But imagine if LeBron James soaked a shot like that. Dude would be done for the rest of his career. They'd make #LeBronStrong bracelets. They'd be putting up tribute videos all across the interwebs. It would be the most dramatic event in sports history. But for Tucker Poolman, it's just another day at the office. Buddy bled his way off the ice, got stitched up, threw on a face shield and got right back out there. And not because it didn't hurt like an absolute son of a bitch or anything. But because he's Ferda Boys. And he knows that the team needs him out there since the Jets have had the worst luck in the world and are already down like half their roster right now. Seriously, I'd just cut the season right now if I were Winnipeg and save myself the injuries.