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Assault.

What, and I cannot stress the next part of this sentence enough, the FUCK is this Newsweek? Waking up to a screaming child at 4:25 AM this morning was bad enough. But when I checked my phone before checking on my two-year-old due since I am addicted to Twitter instead of parenting, I got a jolt to terror injected directly into my heart that not only kept me awake for hours but also turned me into the Denzel meme by thinking the NFL season died without even seeing it listed as Trending before opening the article and realizing it was just a list of players that opted out.

Giphy Images.

If that headline was tweeted by some rando website or even Barstool, likely with multiple typos, I'd understand. All is fair in the #clickbait game, especially when we traffic savages like Click Bait Smits and Click Burglar Clem running wild here. But for some reason, I hold Newsweek to a higher standard. It could be their font of the use of red, but I always kinda lumped them in with Time Magazine in terms of news. Yes I realize how idiotic that is and I don't know if any website that made its bones back when print media was king is the wisest strategy and I'm sure every news organization is considered fake news by pockets of the internet. But that's just how my dumb brain works. 

Which is why any website, let alone an actual journalism website, wording a tweet where it looks like the entire NFLPA cuncelled da saeson instead of guys like Damien Williams and Patrick Chung opted out is a legitimate assault on the American psyche and much worse than whatever Myles Garrett did to Mason Rudolph last year. The NFL season is all I have to look forward to once the weather gets cold and whatever covid fall bump we get arrives. Any sort of tweet saying the season (along with fantasy football) won't happen immediately gets reported to Twitter as abusive or harmful because that's what it is with my soul and the souls of millions of other people.

Blogger's Note: I wrote this blog as I lost and regained power multiple times, so if it doesn't make any sense, blame that bitch Mother Nature for causing chaos outside the Casa de Clem with her pal Isaias as well as my brain being comically sleep deprived by my son AJ. Please God, if you are still alive, let football season get here soon and unscathed