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It Is With A Heavy Heart That I Must Announce The Murder Hornets Have Returned

(CBS) - The world's largest species of hornet invaded Washington state in December. Now, seven months later, state officials have finally managed to catch one of the "murder hornets" — but they have less than two months to catch the rest before mating season begins and the species has a chance to grow.

Now, Washington officials are racing against the clock to find the rest of the hornets and eradicate them from the state before the hornets start to reproduce. Around mid-September, the queens will mate with male hornets and start reproducing new queens and workers, the department said. 

Before we begin, let me start off by saying that I believe the scientists in Washington are working their hardest to try and catch each and every last murder hornet before the clock strikes midnight in September and we're all doomed. Now, do I think they *will* catch every last murder hornet before they begin to mate and multiply before our very eyes? No, no I do not. According to the article above they caught this one in a bottle. In fact, the plan isn't even to kill them on sight. Per the CBS article:

Officials are now using infrared cameras and placing additional traps to catch live hornets. They then plan to tag the hornets and track them back to their colony so that the entire colony can be destroyed.

I don't know much about the murder hornets, but I feel like at the same time I know absolutely everything about the murder hornets. Mostly because of their name which is, yanno, MURDER HORNETS. They're smarter than us. You think they don't anticipate the tag and release strategy? Of course they do. It's a trap on their behalf to lure us idiot humans to their hive where they attack. Wouldn't surprise me one bit if they could become host parasites, inserting themselves into our brains and walking around among as pretending to be us in order to weave their way into the very fabric of our society. Criminals are always two steps ahead of the federales, every security instrument was invented as a response to crime not as a preventative measure so to think the murder hornets aren't ready for us to throw the kitchen sink at them is foolhardy at best, dangerous for all mankind at worst. In order to beat the hornets we must become the hornets. Think like them. Eat like them. Fly around and pollinate flowers like them. That's the only way to defeat the beasts over these next two months. It may already be too late, but hope remains. God speed Washington science nerds. We need you now more than ever.