What, you thought a little pandemic causing chaos in the Sunshine State and a
hurricane tropical storm about to make landfall was going to stop Florida from being Florida?
As long as the internet's greatest resource known as Florida Man is allowed outside, content will continue to pump out of America's STD ridden dick. There's something comforting in knowing that even during these uncertain times, Florida gonna Florida.
Here is my MVP Ballot for the three Florida Men that star in this breathtaking video.
3. The "Passenger": This feels like one of those tough luck MVP votes like when Carlos Delgado finished 4th in the 2000 AL MVP voting with 0 first place votes despite putting up a 41/137/.344 season where he led the league in OPS.
via BBRef The Steroid Era just hit different (also Pedro finished 5th in voting with a 1.74 ERA when numbers like that were normal. What a legend)
My guy here has a stronger grip than the Wilpons have on money, a straight up fire fit, and fists of fury on par with the dude at Rough N Rowdy that wore jeans based on the cracks he left on that windshield. The reason you clicked on this blog is because you either saw a man in a hell of a pickle, wanted to see what type of shit Florida had gotten itself into this time, or knew anything written by Clem was going to be awesome. Okay, that last reason is bullshit. But this guy's hands of steel only go so far in the MVP voting since I'm pretty sure his survival instincts did 99.9% of the job.
2. The Driver: I know putting him at 2 is going to cause controversy. But being able to willfully try to shake off a human, no matter how fucking maniacal he may appear to be, while driving a tractor trailer in the middle of the highway takes a special type of human. That specialness may be the same thing that makes serial killers "special", but it's special nonetheless.
1. The Cameraman: Quite simply, this video let alone this blog doesn't happen without him. Being so committed to the content game that you not only zoom down the highway in order to record a guy holding on for dear life on a trunk's hood on I-95 but also laugh off the polite if not terrifying request to call the cops because, and I quote, "This is way too good" may be a Mount Rushmore Florida Man moment. At least a good chunk of the Floridian fuck ups written about on this here website have some sort of extremely illegal and dangerous substances flowing through their body. But this morally bankrupt mamaluke having the time of his life in the fast lane as someone else lives out a real life Fast & Furious movie all in the name of one point of internet clout is worthy of the Florida Idiocy MVP trophy, which just so happens to be the infamous Jameis crab legs trophy meme.