A 40-Year-Old Guy Claims He's Slept With 100 Women...Small Problem, He Has No Dick
InTouch – Andrew Wardle is 40-years-old. He claims to have bedded more than 100 women, which is a particularly impressive feat considering he was born without a penis.
The man — who was born with testicles — says he’s only shared this fact with “about 20 percent” of his former lovers. In a March 2013 interview, he explained that he’s able to “satisfy” them sexually in every way besides vaginal penetration.
“I’d take girls to bed but tell them things could only go so far because I couldn’t rise to the occasion,” he told ‘This Morning,’ the ‘Daily Mail’ reports. “Most of the time, they didn’t seem too bothered — they liked the fact I could pleasure them in other ways and never expected anything in return.”
He’ll share details about his love life on an upcoming TLC special appropriately titled The Man With No Penis, slated to air this June.
Sick of living a lie, Andrew allowed a film crew to follow him for 12 months. The program will also focus on his plans to go under the knife for a surgery that, if successful, will give him a functioning penis using skin, blood vessels and nerves from his arm.
I hate to go all Bill Clinton here on the definitions of things but can we really count this as having sex? Like it’s genuinely impressive that he was able to convince 100 women to sleep with him despite a complete lack of dick — how do you even broach that topic? Do you wait until she’s naked and #upforwhatever in the hope she’s more lenient or do you break the news out after two vodka sodas? I need to know more about his strategy here — but there’s NO WAY this counts as sex and there’s especially no way that these women count it as sex. When I was younger and dumb enough to occasionally talk numbers with girls, there are chicks who don’t even count a dick that was too big to get it in or a guy they stopped before getting off as sex. You think they’re counting this dude in their numbers just because he went DJ Roomba on the cooch for a minute? 0.0 percent chance. I’m definitely interested to learn more and honestly hope Andrew here gets a real sweet dick from his skin and arm nerves (for the record awesome trade there, arm nerves and some skin for a new dick is like the Timberwolves getting everything they did in the Kevin Love trade x1000) but he’s going to need to be a little more careful with his words in the future if he wants me to take him seriously.
The big question here is obviously “What does it look like if he’s got no dick at all?” And normally we wouldn’t show something that graphic. But this is science and Barstool and my blogs in particular are about nothing if not educating the masses. So here’s a picture of what Andrew Wardle’s pre-dick-surgery crotch looks like. WARNING: This IS NSFW so tread lightly:
Last chance not to look…
If you’re disappointed here this one is entirely on you. On the plus side, Ken’s been nailing 10s with no dick for a century now, Andrew Wardle probably has an autographed poster of him on his wall.