The Barstool Sportsbook Has Arrived In MichiganLearn More

It's Cute Watching Yankees Fans Ejaculate Over A Fake Game Where Aaron Judge Hits A Somehow Faker HR

Oh, so Vincent Velasquez retired the side but the Phillies and Yankees decided to enact a tee-ball rule for a 4th out so everyone can participate which ends up being an Aaron Judge bomb that for some reason counts?  That's cute.  Even more adorable that little Yankees fans like Hubbs ejaculate over the fictional HR in an exhibition game.  You know what is actually worth cumming over? Vinny V going 5 strong vs. the powerful Yankees starting lineup while (in reality/actual gameplay) surrendering only 3 hits, 0 runs, and striking out 6.  Also, THIS: 

Vince Valesquez over the past 4 up and (mostly) down seasons has been most noteworthy for being the only pitcher in baseball history to hit 100 pitches before the 4th inning of EVERY SINGLE DAMN GAME HE STARTS.  Is this the year he finally puts it all together?  I mean, remember that one game he had almost a half decade ago where he pitched one of the greatest games in Phillies history?  No hyperbole, either.  That 16K shutout in early 2016 vs the Padres was an all-time performance: 

We shall see.  Until then, King Nola takes the mound Friday night for the opener against the Marlins.  Oh, and in case you're a betting man/woman, and you certainly are, peep this: In Nola's three 2019 starts against Miami, Aaron Nola posted a 2.08 ERA in 21.2 IP with a 0.969 WHIP with Marlins batters producing just a .585 OPS. If you don't hammer that run line then hereby surrender your hammer.  

Prepare yourselves, for baseball is coming.  RING THE DAMN BELL!.