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Kentucky Fried Chicken Is Now Attempting To 3D Print Their Chicken Instead Of Just Using Chickens

Damn. Long gone are the days of good ole chicken that comes from... chicken. Now, KFC is here to bring you new chicken. I must've been asleep or something when society deemed that the current chicken is no longer good. Turns out that we've outgrown chicken. We must move on. To what, you may ask? 

Source

KFC is 3D-printing chicken meat using ‘animal flesh cells’ at a Russian research lab to provide customers with more ethically-sourced meat.

The fast food giant is working with Moscow-based company 3D Bioprinting Solutions as part of its 'meat of the future' concept.

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I guess we're just going full-blown future. The future is NOW, damnit. Some measly ole chickens aren't gonna stand in the way of that. As someone is a sucker for almost every new item, I'm here for this weird bizarro world printed chicken. The science behind it all? Beats me. 

The concept of 3D printers is enough to make my head spin for hours, let alone using one to print actual* food that actual humans can eat. That being said, it's just a chance to be on the right side of history. If this chicken was to hit the street tomorrow, you're telling me you wouldn't go out and try it almost instantly? Of course, you would, who could pass up a chance to potentially laugh right in the face of a failed product?

*Still not sure if the chicken is considered real food or not. Too much for my pea-sized brain to handle

Who makes this decision? It just feels like a very drastic decision to make when you run a fast-food chain that deals EXCLUSIVELY with chicken. It almost makes you wonder what would warrant such a drastic change. All I'm saying is that you don't see [insert better fried chicken establishment here] messing around with their chicken. 

The finger lickin’ bioprinting tech method uses chicken cells and plant material to reproduce the taste and texture of chicken meat, although it still uses chicken flesh.

Researchers are taking lab-cultured chicken cells from a small sample of flesh, multiplying the cells to create a paste and 3D-printing the paste into cubes to be seasoned and delivered to restaurants.

Mmmmm. Chicken cubes.

This just seems like a lot of work for minimal reward. It also seems very expensive. Like I get that it's supposed to save the chickens and all but I have a very hard time believing that a major fast-food chain is gonna sink millions of dollars into a project because of a sudden shift in morals. The people who have made a literal fortune off of chickens are suddenly against using chickens? Interesting. For all we know they'll probably just feed us normal chicken and brand it differently. Classic. 

I'd much rather prefer this switch with no information whatsoever, that was KFC's biggest mistake. Just call it a "new recipe" or some shit and no one will think twice. Now that it's public knowledge, everyone will just laugh when it inevitably fails. That's why you've always got to live in secrecy. Then no one knows anything.