Johnny Depp Trial Update: Depp Allegedly Told Kill Amber Heard 'I'll F***king Kill You and F*** Your Corpse'

Daniele Venturelli. Getty Images.

I think it's safe to say that most lawsuits are pretty dry, dull affairs. Just a lot of sworn depositions and financial statements and actuarial tables or whatever. Maybe you'll occasionally get an interesting one, like in "The Social Network." But in real life, court proceedings aren't written by Aaron Sorkin, so they're not the most compelling narrative you'll ever be witness to. 

But then again, not every civil suit involves Johnny Depp, either. Were it any other celebrity suing The Sun for libel, the whole thing would likely have peaked with testimony about Amber Heard having threeway sex with Elon Musk and Cara Delevingne while still married to Depp, Heard pooping their marital bed, Depp writing her name in piss on the walls and carpets of their Australian rental house, Heard joining the Mile High Club with James Franco on a private jet, Depp howling like a wolf on the jet and Depp surviving on “cocaine, half a bottle of whisky, a thousand red bull and vodkas, pills and two bottles of champagne.” 

But that was all just in the first couple of days of the trial. Since then, this whole case has just continued to get better. It's just one peak after another. And probably the best procedural drama since "The People vs. OJ Simpson." And today it managed to somehow get more bizarre:

Page Six - Johnny Depp allegedly choked Amber Heard while she was naked during a three-day marathon of assaults — telling her that he would “f–k her corpse,” a London court heard Monday. ...

“Glass was broken everywhere, on the floor and the countertop. At some point he pulled me around by my neck and pushed me down against the bar, I was against the bar, naked, bent over backwards, my back against the marble,” she said in the statement. ...

“He was screaming at me, over and over again, ‘You ruined my life, I hate you, I’m going to f–king kill you and I’ll f–k your corpse,’” she said in the statement.

And if you need any further proof that Depp is a sociopath and a lot closer to the Whitey Bulger character he played in "Black Mass" than he is to Capt. Jack Sparrow, this isn't even the first time the necrophilia talk has come up in this trial. On Day 2 we heard it in regards to something he texted to Paul Bettany, the guy who played Jarvis/Vision in the Marvel movies and the ship's doctor in "Master & Commander." 

Daily Mail -  The Sun's lawyer, Sasha Wass QC, said Mr Depp made 'vulgar references to [Ms Heard's] genitalia' and called her a 'go-getter sl' in front of crew members on a flight from Boston to LA.  …

A recording of Mr Depp apparently howling during the flight was also played during the afternoon session. …

Afterwards, Ms Wass also read out a text sent by Mr Depp to his friend Paul Bettany on May 30 2014, which read: 'I'm going to properly stop the booze thing, darling.' …

The court heard that Depp swapped 'joke' texts with British actor Paul Bettany about setting Amber Heard on fire and 'f*ing her burnt corpse afterwards to make sure she's dead' or drowning his 'witch' ex-wife.

Yes, it is the rare civil court case in which there are just so many layers, so many surreal elements and outlandish claims that the plaintiff can be accused of texting to one of the Avengers that he's going to set fire to his supermodel wife and have sex with her corpse gets buried in a pile of the truly salacious stuff. I mean, I think we ordinary slobs would be happy just to brag about meeting Paul Bettany at a ComicCon in a deposition. Depp's life as a superstar is such that texting him about murdering his wife and raping her ashes is reduced to  a minor detail. 

At the rate this trial is going, it should last the rest of the summer. And it's a sin and a shame it's not being shown live. But one thing is for certain: In the right hands, this is going to make for one hell of a docudrama. I just hope they get Johnny Depp to play Johnny Depp, because no other actor can pull off his insanity.