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BREAKING NEWS: I Just Saw My Own Penis Without A Mirror or Tucking My Gut In For The First Time In A Decade

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. Holy fuck what a lovely surprise. I knew that thing was buried down there somewhere after all these years! I always thought the fat jokes about not being able to see your dick were a little bit overplayed but that's probably because they hit deep when you play it back in your head as you get ready to get in the shower and have nothing but a big ole gut staring back at you. Now I've got a smaller gut and some penis! Woohoo! In my head I imagine seeing my penis for the first time in a decade similarly to when King Arthur pulled that sword out of the rock (however the fuck that story goes) only seeing your penis is WAY better. Like 9789793029748963823902x better. So many more purposeful uses for your penis than a damn sword. Just a few examples I can think of off the top of my head, sex, toilet pissing accuracy, sex, less effort to scratch your penis/balls, sex, don't have to do ole "pray and plug" when trying to find the vagina, and of course sex. Thankfully I have a girlfriend who was kind enough to allow me to have sexual intercourse with her from time to time even when I was upwards of 350 pounds. Very thoughtful and considerate of her if you ask me. Also not having a "Dickiedoo" is pretty damn awesome. For those that have never seen True Life: Jersey Shore with Tommy Cheeseballs, having a "Dickiedoo" means you have a stomach that sticks out more than your dick does. All-time insult in a bar argument. 

In all seriousness this weight loss journey has been a hell of a ride but it's not over yet. Down from about 340 start in April to 270 now and we're just starting to get hot. Love you guys.