Massive Bird Flu Outbreak Hits Iowa Farm And Now They Gotta Execute 5.3 Million Hens

DES MOINES — About 5.3 million laying hens in northwest Iowa will be destroyed after tests confirmed a second outbreak of avian influenza in the state, the U.S. Department of Agriculture said Monday. It’s the largest operation in the nation to be hit with the virus since December, federal documents show. The commercial egg-laying facility, located in Osceola County, Iowa, more than doubles the number of birds destroyed in the country because of the disease. “It’s one of the bigger farms in the state,” said Bill Northey, Iowa’s secretary of agriculture. “But when there’s an outbreak like this, you have to make sure the disease doesn’t leave.” Because of avian influenza, the state’s $2 billion commercial egg-laying industry has been on high alert this spring. Iowa, the nation’s largest egg producer, has about 50 million hens and supplies nearly 1 in every 5 eggs consumed in the United States. “Anybody that has a poultry operation — whether large or small, whether you’ve got hundreds of birds or one bird — this should be a wake-up call,” said Randy Olson, executive director of the Iowa Poultry Association.

WELP that doesn’t sound good.  Lots of people chirping me on Twitter about this Bird Flu outbreak and how I’m gonna die probably. Lots.  “Hey Trent, sounds like Iowa’s screwed.  RIP bud” and “Hey Trent, good luck not dying” and “Hey Trent, can you even read this since Iowa doesn’t have electricity?”  Hey listen up you fucks, Iowa and it’s farms basically feed this entire country so if we’re munching on Bird Flu-infested eggs then you probably are too.  Something like 1 in every 5 eggs in the country comes from around here.  If our people start dropping like flies because of the Bird Flu then get ready for people around you to do the same.  We’re doing everybody in this country a favor by executing 5.3 million hens.  Just straight murdering hens on hens on hens for the safety and well being of this country and those who live here.  Heroes?  Us?  I don’t like throwing that term around lightly but if you want to call Iowans heroes then I won’t disagree with you.  We’re just saving the country from horrible disease 5.3 million hens at a time.

PS- I couldn’t give a shit one way or the other but we’re all pretty casual about sending 5.3 MILLION hens to Belize, right?  Even the dudes who own the farm talking in interviews seemed like, “Yeah, I get up in the morning, brush my teeth, maybe kill over 5 million hens, eat dinner and go to bed.  That’s my day.”  I’m not saying funerals should be held and tears should fall but 5.3 million hens is a lot of fucking hens.