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BREAKING: The Philadelphia Union Are Some Certified Shit Kickers

First game for a Philly sports team since March 11. Not sure if you guys know how calendars work, but that was 120 days ago. One hundred twenty long, grueling days. This city doesn't know how to operate without sports. It's true. I wouldn't want it any other way but it's true. I'm pretty sure the United Nations stepped in and said that listening to Philly sports talk radio during the shutdown was to be deemed a crime against humanity. 

So in the first game for any Philly sports team in 120 days, the Union came out and pecker slapped the shit out of NYCFC. Just a complete and total domination. Sure, the score may have only been 1-0 and the ball took a couple of crazy bounces on the way in. But there was never a doubt. The Union are a wagon. You think that Kevin Durant was about to become a minority owner of a team he didn't think was about to win a championship?

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Not a chance. He knows exactly what he's doing. That's how the man operates. See the quickest path to get a ring and hop in the express lane. The captain picks up a goal. And then one of the biggest tragedies in the world is that there was nobody in attendance to watch that performance from Andre Blake between the pipes today. What a mad man. 

Little fun fact about soccer--you can never lose a game if you never give up a goal. Physically impossible. Seems like the Union are pretty set there. 

Great win for the boys but the best moment of the match came before the first kick. 

All around perfect performance from the Union today for a quick 3 points. Only a matter of time before the City of Champions gets to crown another king. 

#DOOP. 

@JordieBarstool