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A Dan Bilzerian Instagram Picture Has Finally Impressed Me



Dan Bilzerian’s Instagram account is the oasis to the common man’s cube monkey life in the desert.  Tits, ass, automatic weapons, private jets, stacks of money, yada yada yada.  But this Instagram picture is what finally impressed me about Dan Bilzerian’s life.  Not because of the giraffe (adorable) or the girls absolutely nailing all my school girl outfit fantasies.  Nope, it’s because he found a girl (sorceress?) that is not impressed by watching a giraffe drink milk out of a bottle.  Everybody else in that picture is caught in a distinct mix of happiness and awe.  Meanwhile this chick is just staring into the soul of the camera man.  You can pay for basically all the other stuff that Dan Bilzerian flaunts on a regular basis.  But it takes years of weeding through the pro hoe game to find somebody that genuinely doesn’t care about watching a giraffe drink a bottle of milk.

PS- This guy was BORN to be paid to feed giraffes bottles of milk.  The hair, the outfit, and just the overall demeanor tells me that much.



Update: It has been brought to my attention that the guy feeding the giraffe was Steve Aoki.  I don’t know how I didn’t notice him.  I remember his rookie season when he played for the Brewers (relax that’s an obscure Nori Aoki joke, not an Asian joke).

PSS- I don’t know if I will ever be able to link to this video again, so I am going to take my shot now.  I had to include the giraffe tongue story from Salute Your Shorts because anyone who knows what color a giraffe’s tongue is 100% learned it from Ugh, the best and worst camp counsellor ever.