This Is Without A Doubt The Worst Invitation To A 1st Grade Birthday Party Ever

You gotta be kidding me that 1 year olds are getting Birthday Registries these days. All I can get your stupid kid is 4 specific toys or anything with a gift receipt so you can return it for cash to buy fake titty milk? Oh and now clothes because apparently clothes are the #1 cause of kidnapping? Get THE FUCK out of here. If you send me this email then this is exactly what’s going to happen: I’m going to tell you “Ah shit, must’ve missed it,” even though we both know I stared at my Gchat for 12 hours a day, every day since you sent it. Then I’m going to hand your shitty spawn his presents, they will consist of rattles, permanent markers, some Nickelodeon Gak, and a Furby that’s already broken so it just screams for hours. Then I’m going to put a sweatshirt on him that reads “Hi I’m Timmy and my mommy says to steal me.” Then I’ll walk out the door and you’ll never hear from me ever again. Have a nice life you goddamn lunatics.

h.t Jessica