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Indian Dude Wears $4000 Golden Corona Mask

(NY POST)

This coronavirus protection is pure gold.

An Indian businessman is going viral after paying $4,000 to have a face mask made out of the pricey precious metal.

“It is a thin mask and has tiny pores that is helping me to breathe,” Shankar Kurhade, 49, of Pune, told Agence France-Presse.

“People are asking me for selfies,” he said. “They are awestruck when they see me wearing the gold mask in markets.”

I'm not really sure if this has anything to do with anyone at this point, but I might have the worst scaries of all time. I obviously spent my 4th of July doing the most American things possible and by the most American things possible I mean I sat in Trader Todd's and sang karaoke for like 6 straight hours while drinking $11 tropical mixed drinks loaded with sugar, but now here I am, back in the office trying my best to curb heart palpitations, hand shakes, that anxious feeling in my stomach and my desire to kill Carl. It stinks. Like KFC (probably) said, the Monday after  4th of July weekend is the worst day of the year and there's not a close second.

I concur.  

So how do you think I feel when I see some dickhead in a $4000 gold plated corona mask? It makes me sick to my stomach. I am too afraid to open my credit and checking accounts right now, and we have this dickhead over in India parading around making a fashion statement out of corona. Really grinds my gears. Why can't I have a gold plated mask? Why does Shankar Kurhade, 49, of the city of Pune (lol) got a car? I only got one car, why you got 3 cars and a wife and all that Shankar? Man that's played out. 

I mean I guarantee Shankur didn't even play Lee Greenwood at all in the last few days, that's how into himself he is. Just sat in his mansion and rolled around in the gold coins that I don't have like Scrooge McDuck. What the fuck man. I want to roll around in gold coins right now, not lay on my pleather couch in pools of my own anxiety induced sweat. Long story short, Shankar Kurhade, 49, of the city of Pune (lol) can go fuck himself. Quit making me feel self conscious about my lifestyle choices asshole. Go wear one of those gas station masks so I can find someone else to hate.

PS - not kidding when I say this is the worst 2 day hangover I've ever had. I hope at least *some* of you can empathize with that right now.