Ummmm Sorry Guys But Shania Twain Is Fucking Awesome
Every week we do these Snake Drafts and every week I mop the floor with my contemporaries. No disrespect it's just the facts. One time we did Summer Food and I got Hot Dog in the 3rd round that's how pathetic it can get around here. Nevertheless, I show up every week with a competitive attitude and dust the field. Even just this past week when the room conspired to keep me out of the 5th spot where I do most of my damage. This time I was 1st and make no mistake that pick goes to DMB. If you don't know, then you weren't cool. There were approximately ZERO popular kids in the 90's that passed on DMB and I certainly won't be the first. For more on my staunch defense of DMB:
Elsewhere, it's come to my attention that my draft didn't even make it on the poll this week for the 1st time in the history of our snake drafts. Pardon my French but what the fuck is this bullshit?
I don't want to spend another second defending DMB. As for Smashing Pumpkins, a lot of people are mad I didn't take Nirvana because they had more commercial success. Personally I was more inclined to go SP because their peak (musically and commercial) was higher than anyone else's at the time. And Mellon Collie & The Infinite Sadness was my favorite album of the era. Suck on that.
Higher level though a lot of people are chirping me over Shania Twain and it's infuriating because she's a fucking A-list rocket with plus plus jamz to her name. Find one woman on the planet that doesn't like Shania Twain. Find one man that wouldn't treat her to a lovely seafood dinner on the water. Any water. She's electric and endearing and talented and does it for everyone. Literally everyone feels it in their loins when you see Shania perform. Her name is Shania for fuckssake. Name another Shania you can't. Don't even get me started on her hips.
Instead I just want to run back some Classics to educate the virgins out there that ST brings heat. The fact I got her in the 4th round much less in opposition to Britney Spears, Christina Aguileria, Mariah and the fucking Spice Girls is absolutely preposterous. You guys should be carrying my ass around on one of those big golden thrones, feeding me Miller Lites and appropriately seasoned boneless wings. That's how confident I am in my draft.
With that, here's 3 reasons Shania Twain should be on your Summer 2020 playlist.
Man! I Feel Like A Woman
It's not a crime to belt the chorus boys. Just let it rip and don't look back.
That Don't Impress Me Much
Bad breakup? Maybe just want to feel sexy in your own skin or like a bad girl in control? Then this is the song for you. It's got soul, some independence, cheetah print and an undeniable amount of sex appeal. That little shimmy she does "got the looks, but have you got the touch?" is a great fucking shimmy. Let me tell you. Told you guys it was America week her at Barstool Chicago.
But Carl she's Canadian
And an absolute ROCKET…
Moving on to the 3rd and final Shania Twain song for your 2020 Summer Playlist
You're Still The One
Sorry if you're thinking about your high school girlfriend but I had to include this one. It's an all time banger. A great slow dance at prom, a great singalong at after hours, the kind of song you don't change every change the radio station if you guys still listen to the radio like me. As much staying power as any single released by any of the Female Artists included in the Dog Walk draft but apparently that's not good enough to make it into the poll. Apparently I have to play to the crowd and I just want to go on record and say I think that's total bullshit.
Shania Twain is awesome.
It's the rest of you guys that suck.