Talk about efforts in futility. You'd have a better chance of convincing a group of Brits during the Middle Ages that a suspected witch wasn't made of wood, and therefore wouldn't float because she's not the same weight as a duck. It's simple mathematics.
I would also like to issue a warrant to my penis. If you don't grow 3 inches, you will be savagely beaten once again. You have one day.
Good day, sir.
I SAID GOOD DAY!