This 1991 Sizzler Commercial Is Pure Buffet-Based Electricity

This one’s been going around and it’s such a weird video that I feel like someone has to step up to the plate and blog it. And as a connoisseur of Sizzler, I’m willing to take that on. Such an unrecognized titan of industry pushing obesity on America at a national level way before its peers caught up. Growing up, there was nothing better then hitting the salad bar and burying a plate of lettuce in a grave of Thousand Island dressing and croutons, having an overcooked few ounces of steak or a burger, then going back and getting a soft serve fro-yo with that plasticky wax cone from the dessert bar. And, from what I understand given that I wasn’t paying for things at the time, relatively affordable, the classic win-win if you didn’t catch colon problems. Unfortunately, all the Sizzlers I knew of in New York disappeared when I was younger but, lo and behold, apparently they still exist:

Fucking good for you, Sizzler. I’m as proud as a human man can be of a buffet restaurant chain. Surviving as long as some of the bread in the salad bar, great job.

Either way, here are my All-Star team picks from the many rich and vibrant characters of the video:

Cap’n Repressed Memories

Naval Officer Explaining The Differences With Korean Strains Of Gonorrhea

Woman In Pantsuit Struggling To Decipher Complex Blueprints

Black Hole Sun Chick With An Aggressive Tongue

Couple Trying To Fuck At A Goddamn Sizzler Are You Kidding Me?

And last but not least, Kelly Kapowski-Hot Chick With Very Pointy Shoulder Pads

Hell of a crew here. Keep fighting the good fight, Sizzler.