Poor Guy Has to Be Terrified That He's the Father of the First American All-Girl Quintuplets

ABC – The first all-girl quintuplets in the world since 1969 were born last week in Texas, according to a statement from the Woman’s Hospital of Texas. Born to Danielle and Adam Busby, the tiny band of five newborns are the first all-female quintuplets born in the United States ever, the hospital said.  “We are so thankful and blessed and I honestly give all my credit to God,” the mom said. 

Danielle and Adam Busby already had a 3-year-old daughter named Blayke. They used the IUI fertility treatment, or intrauterine insemination, for both of the pregnancies. They named their newest family members Olivia Marie, Ava Lane, Hazel Grace, Parker Kate and Riley Paige.

“They were all in the appropriate weight range for their gestational age, which is due to their mother’s excellent efforts to have the healthiest pregnancy possible,” said Dr. Jayne Finkowski-Rivera, the hospital’s medical director who assisted in the delivery. “They have made a strong start in life, and we are excited to watch them grow and mature.”  Quintuplets in any mix are exceedingly rare. The number of quintuplets and other higher order births in 2013 totaled only 66 nationwide, according to the National Center for Health Statistics.

I can’t imagine what this guy did wrong to get quintuplet girls. I mean, having a daughter has gotta be a nightmare all by itself. When you know the thoughts that go through the heads of 50% of the population, you can’t reasonably be looking forward to having a girl. Dads right now have it rough enough between Snapchat and Instagram. They’ve already got to deal with the Barstools of the world paying girls to get shaken like human margaritas then mysteriously disappear in Mexico. Who the hell knows what’s gonna be the norm 18 years from now? Technology advances exponentially, right? The Earth is probably just gonna be 4 billion horny dudes that sit around controlling drones that follow 4 billion chicks and spray oil at them while they’re doing squats and advertising nutritional supplements that the guys will never buy. What a world to have that many daughters.

By the way, how about the fact that he already has an older daughter? So actually 6 girls. If you believe in karma at all you’ve gotta just assume this guy tortured animals as a child or sits on some NCAA rules committee or something. Otherwise it’s just not fair to him.

PPS. I Google searched quintuplet and got this photo. I guess I’m simply saying that the Internet, uh… finds a way. I think Jeff Goldblum said that #PrayForAdamBusby