Guy Gets Arrested for Smuggline Cocaine in His Fake Penis

Source - A Brit has been caught trying to smuggle cocaine into Belgium inside a fake penis.

The man was arrested as he arrived at Brussels Airport after a flight from Jamaica on February 8, the Daily Star reports. 

Police detected cocaine on him and later found 127g of the drug within an imitation phallus.

The discovery was made after he was taken to a nearby hospital for examination.

Prosecutors could not prove the man was a "mule" but asked the court for a 36 month sentence for the Brit.

The man had told police he was offered the drugs by an acquaintance while visiting his mother in Jamaica.

Defence attorneys argued a sentence as long as 36 months in length would be too severe because of the man's health problems.

According to the man’s lawyer, the Brit has "kidney failure and needs to exercise" as well as follow "a proper diet."

I want to see this guy serve the full 36 months, not because I'm so anti-cocaine, but just because I'm so anti-incompetence. This guy is a disgrace to the whole Fake Penis Smuggling Industry. Smuggling is a time-honored tradition that goes back to the dawn of civilization. Ever since mankind created borders, trade and taxes, people have been finding ways to sneak discounted or banned goods to their customers. Black markets have existed as long as laws themselves. So show some pride in your work, fella.

I imagine the fake dong is one of the latest innovations in the biz. Taking the Whizzinator technology that was invented to beat drug tests and repurposing it in order to get more drugs to customers who will then need more Whizzinators. A great example of creating more demand through synergy. Not to mention, your customers get the satisfaction of knowing the product they're snorting didn't spend 24 hours in a balloon going through the mule's digestive system. Which is a huge selling point.

And yet this clown blew it. Dude, you had one job. Just pretend that's a penis in your pants. Don't draw attention to it. Don't whip it out. Don't play with it. At least don't play with it any more than you normally would if it was made of flesh and veins and not stuffed with Lucifer's Splenda. Just walk through security and act naturally. And this dope couldn't even do that. 

He might as well have been Derek Smalls.

Throw the book at his imbecile. The world deserves a better class of fake dick smugglers.