RIP In Peace: The Segway

dude segway GIF Giphy Images.

AP- Segway, which boldly claimed its two-wheeled personal transporter would revolutionize the way people get around, is ending production of its namesake vehicle. The Segway PT, popular with tourists and police officers but perhaps better known for its high-profile crashes, will be retired on July 15, the company said in a statement.

“Within its first decade, the Segway PT became a staple in security and law enforcement, viewed as an effective and efficient personal vehicle,” said Judy Cai, Segway president, in a statement, noting that in the past decade it gained popularity with vacationers in major cities in North America, Europe, Asia, South America, and the Middle East.

I feel like we've been saying goodbye to a lot of good friends lately. However, this blog is NOT one of them. The Segway was hailed as one of the great innovations in history of mankind when it was launched and I suppose they were right. Not because of the technology, which was likely considered cutting edge at the time. But because the millisecond you saw someone riding a Segway, you could instantly tell if they were a tourist

nation fail GIF by Cheezburger Giphy Images.

A hardo

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Or just a good old fashioned dickhead

In addition to being the perfect Asshole Detector, the Segway is essentially forefather to those little shitty hands-free Segways that people call hovercrafts even though they DON'T FUCKING HOVER, which allowed scientists to focus on inventing stuff other than hoverboards since idiots were calling a vehicle with wheels a goddamn hoverboard. 

Oh yeah and remember when a Segway went for the legs of the fastest man on the planet that also just so happens to be one of the most beloved athletes on the planet from one of the most beloved countries on the planet?

You know what? I take back the headline I wrote. Rest In No Peace, Segway. May you burn in hell as the world remembers that no cool person ever rode a Segway.

Okay, one cool person rode a Segway. I hope Seg Cat is doing well in life, no matter where his Segway has brought him. Something tells me he's doing just fine though.