Cheap Ass Spaniard Hires Furniture Guy to Restore Priceless Painting, You'll Never Guess How It Turns Out

Oh, sweet mother of Jesus what happened to... the mother of Jesus? 

Someone (maybe the art world version of All Business Pete) was in charge of hiring someone to restore a priceless painting of the Virgin Mary, and instead of going through the countless verified conservators that actually restore art for a living, they hired a man who never had done this in his life. A man whose vocation was essentially reupholstering furniture

What kind of pennywise tomfoolery is happening in Valencia? The story is INSANE. It reads like an episode of Always Sunny entitled The Gang Restores a Painting, where Mac and Dennis trick Charlie into doing the painting while Dee attempts to sleep with the rich art gallery owner. 

And, yes this may feel like a one-off but no... this is not the first time this shit has happened either. 

Cue the photos of monkey jesus:

Lord have mercy over this imposter restorer's soul. 

And again: 

The craziest thing about this is that the Spanish are historically known for their artistic ability. From the baroque brush strokes of Diego Velázquez and religious relics of El Greco to Pablo Picasso's concept of Cubism and the surrealist sphere inhabited by Salvador Dalí, Spanish art is innovative and is as engrained in their legacy as the history of "exploration", exploitation, and colonization of the Americas. 

I mean if some woman puts new stuffing in your couch for the low, she's gotta be able to know how to restretch an old ass, cracked canvas and fix the rips and tears, add age-appropriate paint in the faded spots in a painstakingly perfect manner, then age the varnish so it matches perfect, right? 

Same same? 

Giphy Images.

But for real, I spent about an hour last night watching Youtube videos of expert conservators restoring old paintings and it looked like it needed a HIGH degree of expertise to do well. 

Here's a sample. 


So let this be a lesson for you. Don't be a George Costanza and let Pops try and fix your car. If you want professional results, hire a professional. Because in life, you get what you pay for -- and if you hire a furniture man to restore your priceless painting and it comes out looking like it was done by Coco the Gorilla you only have yourself to blame.