Pizza Mambo, located at 7402 S. Dixie Highway, was temporarily closed down for a day on June 18 after an inspection from the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation uncovered a litany of violations, including an iguana “about 80 pounds” being stored in a chest freezer, per the report.
The world is really fucking wild place when you consider all the things that go on outside of southwest Connecticut, huh? It always somehow manages to shock me that there are actually places in the world with animals like just roaming the streets. People forget that in the wintertime in Florida, frozen iguanas just fall out of trees. That's a normal thing that happens.
If I got caught mono y mono with an iguana, there's not a shred of doubt that I'd get my ass handed to me. Especially if it's one of those 80-pound bastards. That thing would have me in a headlock and noogie me into oblivion. I'd probably have to run and squeal in order to avoid that ass-kicking.
As for the situation on hand, I am very confused as to what a fucking iguana is doing anywhere near the freezer of a pizza joint. Perhaps iguana pizza is a tasty treat of sorts to Floridians. It wouldn't exactly be the most shocking thing. However, if there's someone out there who wants iguana or any sort of reptile pizza, that's precrime city. Some people eat reptiles - not my cuppa tea but fine - but there's no place for it on pizza. Just get pepperoni or some shit, hardo.
While the store owner couldn’t be reached for comment, a Pizza Mambo employee told the South Florida Sun Sentinel the iguana was given to the owner as a personal gift for later consumption. The iguana, which was stored in a separate mini-freezer away from the restaurant’s food, was immediately thrown away after the owner was informed of the violation, according to the employee.
'Never mix business with pleasure' has never rung so true. Maybe don't go storing your personal mammoth iguana in your restaurant and you won't run into this issue. Take it home, cut it up and put it in your own fucking freezer bro. The fact that this man thought that keeping a massive lizard-creature in his restaurant was standard protocol is pure insanity. Like even if he didn't know, the best case is still to move it. Ya know, for when the fucking health inspector comes knocking on your door.
Let's not rule out the possibility that this place was slinging black-market iguana pies out here. I'm not sure if I can believe that someone is this dumb to not realize he was committing a plethora of violations. Surely he had to know he was doing something wrong, right? Otherwise, this guy is just the biggest dummy to ever walk the planet and doesn't deserve to run a pizza place because of his incompetence.
While iguana pizza isn’t on the menu, Pizza Mambo had plenty of other issues to deal with. According to the state inspection report, the restaurant was dinged with 27 violations, including 10 high-priority offenses.
I'm relatively new to the bashing-restaurants-for-health-violations game but 27 seems like an almost comical amount of violations. That's the type of shit you'd expect to find in like Mantis's apartment, not a fucking place of business. It's just tough for Pizza Mambo and their future. Hopefully, they can turn it around for the best and come back stronger.
PS - I can't help but laugh at the thought of some journalist trying to prod some 16-year-old working at a pizza parlor for the scoop on the iguana in the freezer. Just puts a smile on my face.