Some People Are Calling Me A Hero For A Recent Animal Rescue, And They Couldn't Be More Right

I'm on vacation down the Jersey shore this week (the one & only Sea Isle City; world's classiest beach) & yesterday whilst walking from my bay shack to the ocean I stumbled upon a turtle in the middle of the road. The 'lil fella was heading away from the water towards an extremely long chain link fence, and beyond that fence was a series of about 5 other (much busier) roads with plenty more high curbs. Having seen a few squished on the road already this week I decided it was best to bring 'em back towards the bay grasses (via shorts-grab because I heard they carry salmonella on their shells & also because I'm a little bitcc).

Naturally, the internet knows best & all were quick to praise me for my heroic actions.

There was more turtle expert goofin' than this but you get the idea: People love me & the internet is a wonderful place. If you'd like to salute me for my actions my Pina Colada fund is open on Venmo. You're all welcome for my service.

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