Naked Oregon Spends the Night on a Railroad Crossing Sign, Then Punches Out a K-9 Dog. Your Move, Florida.

Source - Eugene Police said the man who spent the night perched nude atop a railroad crossing sign attempted to run from police after more than 12 hours on the pole.

K9 Cwyk caught up the suspect, who "was actively fighting" the police dog when officers got to them. Police said the suspect put the dog in a headlock and punched it several times.

Officers arrested Brandon Lee Jackson, 39, of Eugene on Assault in the Second Degree, Reckless Endangering, Criminal Trespass in the First Degree, Criminal Mischief in the First Degree (Vandalism), Public Indecency and Disorderly Conduct in the Second Degree. …

"At approximately 3:17 a.m., in the 7-Eleven parking lot on the 500 block of W. 7th Avenue, police received information that the described suspect, Jackson, struck a 61-year-old male victim with a metal object, stole his property, and left the area," according to police.

He was also charged with Theft in the Second Degree in connection with shoplifting on June 14 at Walmart on W 11th Avenue, as well as Theft in the Second Degree (from vehicle), and Criminal Mischief  … "when the rear window of Honda was broken and an instrument was stolen from the vehicle," police said.

Aside from the crimes of violence against the god and the older gentleman and the vandalism, I'm not even mad at Brandon Lee Jackson. As a matter of fact, I'm impressed. I doubt 99% of healthy adults could even climb up on a railroad crossing sign fully dressed. Never mind getting up there bollocky. Spending the night, though? Impossible. Anything less than a hammock strung between the sign and a utility pole or whatever, I wouldn't last 10 minutes up there, never mind overnight. This guy is like the Parkour master of deranged sociopaths. He's very clearly in need of severe mental health assistance and probably belongs in a secure facility where he can't be a danger to himself or others. But you can't say anything against his athleticism. Or his drive, his effort and his want-to. He does more before 3:17 a.m. than I'll do in the month of June. If some coach could channel this guy's energy into something productive, he'd win the next "American Ninja Warrior." And he'd win in it in a walkover if the obstacle course has a section where you beat up a K-9, shoplift and smash a windshield. 

So the premise of my headline remains. How did Florida ever let this guy go? He'd be a godking down there. Somehow their usually infallible Unhinged Crackpot scouting department dropped the ball on my neck-tatted boy here. But maybe they can arrange a trade. Offer up a couple of angry racist Karens and a Florida Man to be named later. Because Brandon Lee Jackson just seems like a perfect system fit. But for now, he's just the one that got away.