Five Nights At Freddy's Is Now The Bane Of My Existence

Last night after Coach Duggs' monumental SEC Championship Victory I decided to dance with Freddy Fazbear at his very own haunted pizza joint. To sum it up this asshole Freddy and his friends Foxy, Chica, and Bonnie (or as I like to call them Fox, Duck, and Blue Dog) are the legendary animatronic house band at Freddy's pizza place...the only problem is once the lights go out they intend to make any human they come across into one of their own as they roam freely throughout the parlor. 

And should I wanna become a possessed animatronic bear? FUCK NO. I still don't know why I took the job as night security, but I did! Anyways the name of the game is Five Nights at Freddy's which, you guessed it, means you have to last 5 nights at Freddy's. I absolutely RIPPED through the first 5 nights in about an hour and a half. We're there some bumps along the way? Sure...just had to get our bearings straight.


Blue Dog proved to be such a worthy competitor. Guy was relentless all week long.

Happy learned how to putt. And by putt I mean close the doors in my little isolated room.

And then my saga with Fox began. Fucking Fox. The Usain Bolt of Animatronics. This wiley bastard just sits in his pirate cove all day until he absolutely SPRINTS at you for a quick kill.


EVENTUALLY we got to Night 5 and it was not pretty. Was on Night 5 from 12:30am until 6am when I called it a morning. Even the Hail Mary couldn't help me.

This may shock you but….Night 5 is Freddy's time to shine.

Frustration SURE DID set in at the hands of Blue Dog.

And to put the CHERRY ON TOP I literally got a "Golden Freddy" which is supposedly a 10,000/1 Chance to get. TEN THOUSAND TO ONE. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Here was the closest I came to winning all night. This was a cruel move by Freddy. CRUEL.

I stayed on until 6AM. FUCKING SIX IN THE MORNING. There was no end in sight so I retired for the night to get a few hours of sleep before I record my Sopranos show with the Cousins. 

Tonight we're doing a Barstool WARZONE Duo's tournament from 8-10pm EST so once that's over with I'm gonna switch back over to Freddy's to attempt to finish Night 5 tonight. Gotta do a lot of studying before then.

Peace, love, and fuck the Fox.