Somebody Has To Say It: Sandwiches Are Just Getting Way Too Big These Days

delicious big hamburger on wood Kesu01. Getty Images.

This is a take that I've been sitting on for quite some time. Because to be honest with all of you, I go back and forth on it myself. But after years of internal debate and seeing the sandwich industry continue to out-monstrosity each other, enough is enough. I cannot allow myself to sit back and be silent anymore. 

We are making sandwiches that are way too big these days and it's time to right the ship. 

The natural line of thinking here would be "who wouldn't want to get as much food as possible with their order?", and I get it. I really do. But that right there is the root of the whole issue. This entire problem is founded upon our insatiable desire for more. Well it's actually our insatiable desire for more combined with Instagram glorifying these monster sandwiches. Goddamn foodies ruined everything. But our desire for more quickly led us to our demise because now we're stuck thinking that we actually like shit that you see in the photo above. We think we're supposed to love something like that because it's "more", but how in the actual fuck are you supposed to eat that thing? You can't. You absolutely cannot and you're a goddamn filthy liar if you think you can. 

Ludwig Mies van der Rohe said that "less is more". And it's high time we start listening to that German bastard. Just because a sandwich has more on it doesn't make it better. You reach a certain point and it actually starts to suck. You need a physics degree just to figure out how to approach each bite, the meat to bun ratio is completely thrown off, the entire thing starts to fall apart after bite 3 and then it just makes a mess. All over your shirt, all over your face, all over the eating surface. It turns into a disaster. It ends up looking like a crime scene. All because you're some piece of shit who thought "oh my followers NEED to see this". No they fucking don't. 

I'm sorry but I just get real heated over the topic. Because being able to actually eat the sandwich is a major component to how enjoyable the meal actually is. Once the original shock factor of the size wears off, you're stuck there looking like a jackass needing to completely deconstruct the sandwich just to fit it in your stupid fucking mouth. 

I'm not saying every sandwich needs to be the size of a number 1 from Chick-Fil-A. I've got nothing wrong with a double cheeseburger. But if the sandwich is at least 50% the size of your skull, then maybe something is wrong. Maybe it's time to tone it down a little. I know this is a hot take and I know there will be plenty of you out there who disagree with me. But once you allow yourself to grow up a little and not be so wow'd simply by the size of a sandwich, you'll realize less is more. And no, this was not intended to be a metaphor for dick length but that also works as well.