I Had A KFC Mental Breakdown And I've Learned There Are No Answers To Fix It

So yesterday I had a breakdown of sorts. Classic KFC. I think its because I’m a dumb stubborn Irish mick, but all I know is about every 3 months I lose my fucking mind because all the shit that bothered me day in and day out finally explodes. Its a quarterly thing. Yesterday was a big one. Realized I’m turning 27 next week and my life is a complete and utter joke. I realized all I do is write blogs all day and then I go out to dinners that are way too expensive for my bank account, booze way too much, and then I wake up and do it all over again. Empty wallet, fat stomach, brain cells diminishing by the millisecond. The other day I spelled Seinfeld “signfeld” and recently I’ve been mixing up “right” and “write.” Those are just like to/two/too mixups or there/their/they’re mixups. Those are “you’re getting stupider by the second, do something about it” screw ups.

But here’s my problem. I have no idea what normal people “do.” Serious question to all you people who are like 20 something in New York City – what the fuck do you do? If I’m not out to dinner spending money on food or out at the bar spending money getting shitfaced, I’m laying on my couch watching movies or banging out like 15 episodes of a TV series on demand. Just getting fatter, dumber and drunker. I’ve asked basically everyone I know recently what they do when they aren’t at work and not one person has had a reasonable, constructive answer. Now understand the gym is out of the question for me, so these were my friends suggestions – “go to a museum.” A fucking museum? Yea bro thats gonna solve my crisis. Stand around with a bunch of nerds for an hour hating every second of my time there. Great. “Go for a walk.” I tried this last nite. I started walking and about 50 blocks later I was just cold and tired and wanted a burger and a beer. I got back from my “walk” and still felt like a big piece of shit. I also kinda felt gay. Its not like I’m a dog and a walk is gonna cure everything. The last suggestion I got was “go bowling.” This was actually a great answer but I always get shitfaced when I bowl.

So here’s my conclusion. There are no solutions for people like myself and my friends. Not one person could come up with a real answer. Normal, average Joe’s like me are all destined to drift through life getting dumber drunker broker and fatter. As far as I’m concerned life is all downhill after Little League Baseball. From the time you are born to the time you play Little League, you’re growing and learning and life is trending upward. After Little League you learn about booze and sex and eventually have to start working. And once that starts, life is on a downward trend of drinking and drugs and work and bills where you get fatter and dumber and lose all your money. There is no answer.