Here Are My Masters Bets If That Interests You At All

So some people have been hitting me up about who my favorites are to win this weekend and who I’m betting on during the Masters that starts tomorrow.  It’s the best golf tournament of the year that can only be made better by having some skin in the game.  Here’s the thing though: I’m not a big gambler.  I don’t even want to pretend like I am (this blog might run contrary to that statement).  I have little money as it is so I can’t go throwing down Drakes like Pageviews does on sporting events.  Oh and another thing, I suck at sports betting.  It has never gone well for me. Every time I try and dip my toe in the water it goes sideways.  I’d much rather tread water at a black jack table for 16 hours while slamming drinks than put money on a basketball game.  Also, did I tell you I suck at sports betting?  Okay just wanted to make that clear.

Alright so, after that ringing endorsement I just gave myself and my sports betting skills, I looked at the board and here are the bets I’ll be putting some coin on.  Follow the bets if you’d like.  Or bet the total opposite.  Up to you.

Outright winners:

Jordan Spieth- 9/1 

This is my pick.  I’m gonna list a few more guys in this category but this is my pick to win the whole damn thing.  Mark it down.  Bubba will be sliding the green jacket onto Spieth when Sunday rolls around.  I’m not exactly going out on a limb with this one at 9/1 but that’s the way it is.  Spieth finished 2nd at last year’s Masters (his first appearance BTW) and is playing about as good as a guy can heading into the week.  His last three events he’s finished 1s, 2nd and 2nd.  His putting is dialed in.  He’s ready to win.  Here’s your 2015 Master winner.

Jason Dufner- 100/1

Maybe the most fun bet you can make on the tournament.  Duf Daddy at 100/1 to win the green jacket and throw it right back in Amanda’s face.  Betting on redemption.  Everybody knows the best revenge is living well.  Ask Rory (this circumstance is a little different because Jason is the one who got dumped so the revenge would be even sweeter).  You put money on Dufner here and you’re banking on him pulling a Rory.  I’m pulling for Dufner.  You’re pulling for Dufner.  Why not make a little money in process of pulling for a guy whose been knocked on his back?  100/1.  A couple bones.  It’ll be worth it.

Other outright winners that I don’t hate but aren’t betting on:

Patrick Reed- 28/1

Billy Horschel- 50/1

 Louis Oosthuzen- 50/1

Quick note- You can always feel good about throwing money on Bubba as the outright winner for obvious reasons but you know what?  Fuck him and his grilled chicken breasts.  That’s too easy.  Not to mention if you put money on him then you have to kind of root for him and that’s laaaaaaaaaame.  Bubba’s “I’m just a good ol’ boy from the south” is such an act.  The last thing I want to root for is him and Brienne of Tarth celebrating on the 18th green on Sunday again.

Top 5 Finishers:

Rickie Fowler- 7/1

Eassssssssy money.  Easiest money you’ll make all weekend.  Wondering if Rickie will finish in the Top 5 at a major is like wondering if the sun is gonna come up the next day.  It’s weird.  Rickie is getting exactly zero hype heading into this thing.  That’s probably because the other story lines like Tiger, Rory and Speith are taking away from the coverage of Rickie but that might work in his favor.  The less pressure the better.  Not to mention his last four tournament finishes are 41st, 12th, 29th and 71st.  So he’s not exactly tearing it up recently.  But still, Top 5 for Rickie.  Book it.

Fred Couples- 28/1

Let’s get Freddy Couples in the mix.  Tournaments are more fun when the free-wheeling-free swinging-sandal wearing guy is involved.  He just makes you feel better about your own golf game in the sense that he always seems like he just woke up from a nap and is ready to play golf.  Everything looks so free and easy and I want a guy like that in the Top 5 this year.  He won the Masters in ’92 and it’s time for him to get back up there.  He’s been in the Top 10 a handful of times since ’92.  Run back the clock for us one time, Freddy.

Ben Crenshaw- 750/1

Let’s get weird!  Let’s get weird!  Let’s get weird!  The 63 year-old two-time Masters winner is making his last laps around Augusta this week.  Maybe he’ll catch lightning in a bottle, play some good golf and find himself in the Top when it’s all said and done.  This won’t happen.

Prop Bets:

Prop bets are right in my wheelhouse because I’m not a real gambler.  Love’em.

Will Ian Poulter Make The Cut?- No +275

Why?  Because fuck’em.  That’s why.  We already openly root for Poulter to fail so might as well put some money on it and hope it happens.  Also because he’s in a group with Patrick Reed and Keegan Bradley.  No way they don’t put some USA fear into him and he shits his pants.  Maybe even bully him a little. #StopBullying2015ExceptWhenItComesToIanPoulter. I need Reed and Bradley bumping into him on the tee box and singing the National Anthem in his back swing.  Reed and Bradley also need to show up dressed in nothing but American flags.  Do your job.

Masters Winning Margin- Playoff +250

I feel good about this for a couple reasons. First, two out of the last three years the Masters has gone into a playoff.  Second, there’s so much goddamn talent playing in this tournament that we’re bound to have a bunched leaderboard and I like the chances of some dudes being tied up on Sunday.  And third, have you watched golf at all this season?  Playoffs happen almost every damn time these guys tee it up.  This bet is just me riding the recent wave of playoffs to determine golf tournaments.  Both in the Masters and in regular tournaments.

Winning Nationality- USA -138

The logic behind this could be that Americans like Spieth, Fowler, Bubba, Lefty, Tiger (yep I put him in there, it’s my blog) and Dustin Johnson are all great golfers who have a shot to win the Masters.  The crop of American golfers right now is great and there’s a good chance a man with USA blood running through his veins is gonna prevail.  Or the logic could be that these colors don’t run and an American fucking better win. U-S-A!

Follow me to the money.  Or follow me to going bankrupt.  It could go either way.  Please direct all your complaints to anybody but me.