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If The Parker House Loses Their Liquor License, I'll Kill Myself. Thats A Promise.

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I say I’ll kill myself over a lot of things, but if Parker House loses its liquor license and they shut down God’s Basement, thats it for me. I’ll be like that guy from yesterday’s Daily Mail who killed himself because he lost his free buffet for life. I’m out. A world without Parker House is not a world I want to live in. Its not a life worth living.

So on top of the fact that the Parker House is a historical monument and on top of all the work they’ve done for cancer, diabetes, autism and CF, they’re also keeping me alive. If these locals want my blood on their hands, fine. They’ll shut down the worlds most magical place, ruin an incredible cornerstone of the community, and they’ll be responsible for my death. Have fun with that manslaughter charge you assholes.

For real, if anything ever happens to Parker House it will genuinely be a terrible moment for Sea Girt and the Jersey Shore. I’m sure some of the commotion caused in the summer is aggravating for the neighbors and what not, but cmon now. This isnt some meathead Seaside Heights club. We’re not talking about shutting down Karma. This is a beautiful Victorian Beach Home. We’re talking about dollar beers on the porch with mini burgers on Friday night. We’re talking about 14 dollar lobsters. We’re talking about DJ Chopper and nips. We’re talking about Pat fucking Roddy in God’s Basement! This is against God’s will! This is not right. This is wrong.

If you’re a local and you cal rally some people go save Parker House tonight. I feel like the old lady in Back to The Future trying to save the Clock Tower. SAVE THE PARKER HOUSE! SAVE THE PARKER HOUSE!

PS – Parker House will prevail because Parker house is everything that is right with this world.