Normally I would do about 3,000 words on something this dynamic but today I'm actually going to flip the script. Too nice a day for this bullshit of me sitting around, clamoring on and on about why one batch of slightly different salt/peppers/vinegar is more deserving than the next. Fact of the matter is hot sauce is such a regional thing that you almost have to keep it simple or not do it at all. And obviously I'm not going to miss an opportunity to get you guys engaged on such a hot topic.
To me it's a 3-horse race no disrespect Sriracha and Tabasco. You guys are too rigid and I need sauces that can play multiple positions each and every day. That's what brings me to these 3 kings. Or musketeers. Or wisemen bearing gold, frankincense and myrrh. Whatever you want to call the group, just recognize it's the holy trinity of regular refrigerator hot sauce. Yes, I'm sure your Uncle has the most badass collection. No, I don't want to see if Eddie wants to interview him for Dog Walk.
Elsewhere, I think people forget Taco Bell has the best packeted sauce period. Not sure if it's worth even getting into. Feels like I just brought up a winter sport in the middle of the Summer Olympics but I'd be remiss not to give their Fire Sauce the credit it deserves. You guys can be fucking animals when you want so there's your credit. Leave me alone.
3. Louisiana: cheap and easy
2. Cholula: nice lady on the label working on the sauce
1. Franks: trustworthy name, unmatched flexibility