Hey Eastern Conference Playoffs, Sorry About The Flyers

“Fuck you, Jordie. Have fun watching the Flyers in the playoffs, oh wait…. 1975, yada yada yada, Giroux grabs man butts…”

Yeah, the Flyers aren’t going to be in the playoffs this year but that doesn’t mean that they haven’t done everything they can to change the complexion of the Eastern Conference playoffs this year in the past few games. Here’s a little quote from Stone Cold Steve Mason after the Flyers win against Pittsburgh on Sunday.

“They have something to play for, and we were happy to take it away from them,” Mason said. “Our fate is sealed, but that doesn’t mean we can’t ruin other people’s.”

The Flyers have sneakily become the villains in the East and I love it. If everything goes according to plan, their dickbag season could very well have a pretty big impact on the playoffs this year even from the outside. Let’s just real quick talk about last night and how shook the Islanders are. The Isles have been falling apart at the seams lately, and I’m sure a majority of that has to do with the Clancy Mush. But they finally had a chance to clinch a spot in the playoffs over the “lowly” Flyers and start turning their game around at the right time. But what do they go ahead and do? Tie the game up with 24 seconds left only to give up that goal in the dying seconds. Hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. That’s a goal that shows how mentally weak the Islanders are right now, and even though they’ll still make the playoffs you can consider them an early round exit. They are mentally broken.

Speaking of broken, let’s talk about the Pittsburgh Penguins.

I think @JVerch12 would make for a very good NHL GM. But yeah, the Penguins are the biggest train wreck in the league. You can thank the Flyers for the majority of that. And the best part of the whole thing? The Flyers could end up controlling the Penguins’ playoff destiny in their last game of the season against the Senators. The Rangers just clinched the Presidents’ Trophy last night so I doubt they’ll give the Sens everything they have tomorrow. Count that as a win for Ottawa. And then it comes down to the Flyers to just step aside and let Cherry Hill Native Bobby Ryan and the Hamburglar walk their way into the playoffs in order to give the Penguins–who are most definitely losing to the Islanders tomorrow–the same tee time as the Flyers next week.

Penguins are toast. Islanders are toast. Washington always sucks in the playoffs. Red Wings are toast. All I’m saying is that inadvertently, the Flyers pretty much ruined the Eastern Conference playoffs and secured a Rangers v. Canadiens CF. And oh yeah, this is still a possibility.

(Real talk, I may or may not have run the simulator more than 1 time.)