Cue the music! Cue the music! Cue the music!
LORDY. Ben Simmons is looking like he's about to snatch up your lunch money. Don't have any cash on you? Ben Simmons is going to take your phone and venmo himself $10 for a Wawa hoagie, a bag of kettle jalapeno chips, and a peach iced tea. He's looking like a total menace. A bad motha fucka who don't take no shit from nobody. Maybe this quarantine was exactly what it would take for him to flip that switch to kill mode.
And yes, I'm very much aware that the NBA has banned the ninja headbands. Probably because they were so terrified of this exact day. They knew that if they didn't ban the ninja bands, Ben Simmons would actually end someone's life on the court and they wouldn't be able to deal with the ensuing insurance circus that would follow. But Headband Ben is a mentality. Headband Ben is a lifestyle. So regardless of if he's wearing this specific headband or not once the season gets going again is neither here nor there. It's the mentality, and this is one that is going to leave a path of chaos and destruction in its wake.
Better get all those bars opened up soon because it's going to be a week long rager in Philly when the Seventy Sixers men's professional basketball team mess around and win a title this year.