Sometimes You Get $500,000 and the IP, Sometimes You Piss Behind Dumpsters

 

Today the NY Post tweeted this. Little fun article about how since a ton of public bathrooms are closed, people are running wild in the streets of NYC, pissing like an alley cat wherever they damn well please. So I said "hey, so nothing has changed amiright fellas?!" and gave everyone a high-five. 

But then I clicked on the article and WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?!

NY Post - “My friends and I talk about [public urination] all of the time now,” Sophia, a 23-year-old who lives in Park Slope and asked that her last name not be used, tells The Post. “It’s a big topic. Since the pandemic, I have done it myself in Prospect Park, behind a dumpster in Williamsburg and Greenpoint. All of the public restrooms like McDonald’s and Starbucks are closed. If you are far away from your home, what are you supposed to do?”

The Brooklynite, who is recently unemployed, never leaves the house without tissues.

“Sometimes when I am out for a bike ride, I won’t drink water because I know that I will have to go to the bathroom and there are no options. If I am going to meet a friend, I have to think about my liquid intake.”

 

spit take GIF Giphy Images.

 

As I said WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?!

The Brooklynite, who is recently unemployed, never leaves the house without tissues.

Like…like…what…why….why is this in the article??!!! Fucking hysterical. Is it an Easter Egg? I'm almost positive it's because the author knew we'd see this and blog it and link to it, and guess what, it worked, because I love it. They quote unemployed Sophia, no last name, about pissing behind dumpsters. Why would she do this? What does she gain?

Honest to god, I feel bad for her. I think Suitman pulled the wool over her eyes and manipulated her and sold her a bill of goods and then delivered on none of them. He thought he was a big swinging dick and promised her the moon and she got a dumpster behind a CVS in Williamsburg instead. Brutal turn of events. Incredible swing. 

Fucking Suitman, man. And poor unemployed Sophia. I hope she figures it out. I hope her story doesn't end with her pissing behind dumpsters. In retrospect, $500,000 and the IP was probably the better move.